NARRATOR: Junior year was a time of...exploration. A time for expanding horizons, broadening perspectives, seeking answers to little-known questions. It was an opportunity to grapple with the great issues of our day, which as it happened, boiled down to only two.
[The camera stops on KEVIN. He is looking down.]
[Shot of MISS FARMER's legs as she walks across the classroom.]
MISS FARMER:...there were only four independent republics, as compared to now. By the end of 1972, there's gonna be forty-one.
[The camera slowly pans up MISS FARMER as she leans against her desk and smiles.]
NARRATOR: One was sex.
MISS FARMER: So...now is everybody paying attention?
NARRATOR: Miss Farmer.
[Close shot of KEVIN looking up.]
NARRATOR: Our social studies teacher.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER.]
MISS FARMER: Who can tell me the names...of three African republics?
[Shot from behind MISS FARMER of the class.]
MISS FARMER: No one? Let's look at a map.
[MISS FARMER moves to the map and reaches up to pull it down.]
NARRATOR: In one of the great cosmic ironies of our time...
[Close shot of KEVIN looking at MISS FARMER off-screen. He squeezes his pencil, which breaks.]
[Shot of MISS FARMER. The camera pans up her legs.]
NARRATOR: The board of education had hired her to mold and develop our formative young minds.
[MISS FARMER turns toward the class.]
MISS FARMER: Domenick? Can you point out Liberia on the map?
[Close shot of DOMENICK at his desk.]
DOMENICK: It's, uh, that yellow one.
[Shot past students of MISS FARMER, hands on hips, as DOMENICK points.]
DOMENICK: Right there.
[MISS FARMER turns and glances at the map, then back to the students. She laughs.]
MISS FARMER: Perhaps you could come up and show us.
[Close shot of KEVIN leaning forward and looking at DOMENICK off-screen.]
[Close shot of DOMENICK.]
[Close shot of MISS FARMER smiling, with her arms folded.]
[Close shot of DOMENICK.]
DOMENICK: Uh, can't...m-my foot's asleep.
NARRATOR: Not an uncommon ailment in social studies that year.
[Bell rings.]
MISS FARMER: Alright. [Gestures] Why doesn't everybody just pass up their assignments...
[Shot of KEVIN and other students getting their things together.]
NARRATOR: All in all, if you were sixteen and male, it was agony - no one was immune. Which brings me back to the point.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER smiling.]
NARRATOR: For teenage boys, there were only two great issues - sex...
Cut to
[Wider shot of the pump through the car window as the attendant cuts into the shot.]
ATTENDANT: That'll be three-sixty-nine.
[Shot past ATTENDANT of KEVIN.]
NARRATOR: And, of course, economics.
KEVIN: Uh..sure.
NARRATOR: And let me be clear about this...
[Wider shot of the car and ATTENDANT.]
NARRATOR: By "economics", I mean cold, hard, cash. Not that I had any.
[KEVIN hands ATTENDANT some money.]
[Shot of RANDY and KEVIN, and ATTENDANT.]
ATTENDANT: Forty-nine cents short.
[Close shot of KEVIN looking at the money.]
KEVIN: Uh...one second.
[Shot from behind KEVIN as he turns to RICKY in the back seat.]
KEVIN: Any of you guys got fifty cents?
[Close shot of RICKY frowning.]
RICKY: Not me.
[Shot of RANDY, KEVIN and ATTENDANT.]
RANDY: Sorry, man. I'm tapped.
KEVIN: Wait a minute. Between the two of you, you can't come up with a lousy half-buck?
[Close shot of RANDY.]
RANDY: Hey, I paid last week.
[Shot of RANDY, KEVIN and the attendant. KEVIN frowns, and starts to look in the glove-box.]
NARRATOR: Amazing. Even with my job delivering Chinese food two nights a week...
[KEVIN glances back at ATTENDANT.]
KEVIN: Be right with you.
NARRATOR: The best I could do when it came to cash-flow, was...
[KEVIN puts something in the attendant's hand.]
KEVIN: There.
ATTENDANT: It's a potato chip.
[Close shot of KEVIN looking at it.]
KEVIN: Oh, yeah. Guess it is.
[Close shot of ATTENDANT frowning.]
ATTENDANT: Get outta here...!
KEVIN: Right.
[Wide shot of the "Chongmobile" as KEVIN drives off.]
NARRATOR: Face it, poverty was ruining my good name, my reputation. Not to mention my my credit-rating.
Cut to
NARRATOR: Not to mention my love-life.
WINNIE: What sound?
KEVIN: That one. There it is again.
WINNIE: It's...my stomach. It's growling.
KEVIN: Oh.
NARRATOR: Not to mention my girlfriend's digestive tract.
WINNIE: I thought you said you were taking me out to dinner tonight.
KEVIN: Oh. Yeah.
WINNIE: Kevin, I'm really hungry. Can't we just...get something?
KEVIN: Well, uh, yeah I think...eating out is over-rated. And you know, the service is always slow. Plus the food is never that good. You know, I read somewhere that anything ya eat after nine o'clock goes right to your hips. Didn't you read that?
WINNIE: I think I'd like to go home now.
KEVIN:...right...
NARRATOR: Fact! This cashflow thing was beginning to cloud my judgement.
Cut to
NARRATOR: And so, desperation led me to consider once-unthinkable options.
[KEVIN pauses and looks at the bulletin board.]
NARRATOR: In other words - I needed a second job.
[The camera pans down the bulletin board.]
NARRATOR: Preferably something that didn't require a name-tag and a shovel. Or a Baggie and a scoop.
[Close shot of KEVIN. He sighs.]
KEVIN: Brother....
[Wider shot of KEVIN ad the bulletin board as MISS FARMER approaches and pins up a card.]
NARRATOR: And then, just as luck and money were running out...
[MISS FARMER looks at KEVIN and smiles.]
MISS FARMER: Oh! Hi, Kevin.
KEVIN: Hi.
[KEVIN smiles.]
[Shot of MISS FARMER walking away down the hallway.]
NARRATOR: Lust and fortune stepped in.
[Close shot of KEVIN looking back to the bulletin board off-screen.]
[Close shot of MISS FARMER's card. "Students wanted for painting project. 123 Dixon St. After school"]
NARRATOR: And opportunity knocked.
Cut to
MISS FARMER: Kevin! Hi!
KEVIN: Hi. I, uh, came about the job.
MISS FARMER: [Laughs] Well, gee, you certainly got here fast!
KEVIN: Yeah, well, it's right on the way.
MISS FARMER: Oh...
KEVIN: Besides, you know what they say - "the early worm gets the bird".
[MISS FARMER looks slightly puzzled.]
KEVIN: Anyway, uh, here I am.
MISS FARMER: Well, good! Why don't you come on in? I'm making some lemonade.
NARRATOR: And the formalities out of the way, negotiations began.
MISS FARMER: Sugar?
KEVIN: Hmmm?
MISS FARMER: For your lemonade?
KEVIN: Oh. Yeah...
MISS FARMER: So? Don't you even want to know what the job is?
KEVIN: Well, it's, uh, painting, right? I've mean I've done lots of painting - all over the place.
NARRATOR: Two storm-windows for Dad, and Wayne's forehead when I was six. But who was counting?
MISS FARMER: Oh, I don't know...[sighs]...maybe I should have it done professionally.
NARRATOR: But at that moment I'd have killed to keep professionals from her house.
KEVIN: Hey, why hire them when you got me?
NARRATOR: Babe.
MISS FARMER: Well...if you really think you can.
KEVIN: Course I can. So...[sips]...what would I be painting?
MISS FARMER: The house.
KEVIN: The house? The whole house?
MISS FARMER: [Giggles] No - just the outside. The thing is...[sighs]...I don't have much money.
[MISS FARMER moves to the cookie jar on a shelf.]
NARRATOR: And of course, right then I should have known I was in over my head.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
NARRATOR: I should have known.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER approaching.]
NARRATOR: I should have known, but...
MISS FARMER: How does...five-hundred dollars sound?
[Close shot of KEVIN perking up slightly.]
[Close shot of MISS FARMER looking down. the camera pans down to her hands holding five one-hundred-dollar bills. Bit of heavenly music, and "We're in the Money".]
NARRATOR: And that's when it happened. Right then. Right there.
[Close shot past the money of KEVIN. The camera zooms in slowly.]
NARRATOR: Two great forces of nature converged. Beauty...and cash.
MISS FARMER [V/O]: Course, you would take care of supplies.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER.]
MISS FARMER: Can you start this weekend?
[Close shot past the money of KEVIN. He is looking at the money.]
KEVIN: Well...
Cut to
JACK: Painting? What do you know about painting?
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Dad, what's there to know? I mean, there's the house...and you paint it.
NARRATOR: Seemed simple enough to me.
[Close shot of JACK.]
JACK: What kind of paint are you using? Latex or enamel?
[Wide shot of both of them.]
KEVIN: Uh...blue.
JACK: You know what supplies to buy?
KEVIN: Well...
JACK: You have a crew to work with?
NARRATOR: Jeez, what was this - trade school?
KEVIN: Hey, I have a couple guys...in mind.
JACK: Well, just make sure you know what you're doing. Painting's hard enough even when you're good at it.
[JACK changes the channel with the remote.]
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning and looking away.]
NARRATOR: And there you had it - the unflagging support of hearth and home.
[Wide shot of KEVIN rising and walking toward the kitchen.]
[He passes WAYNE who is repairing a lava-lamp.]
WAYNE: Better hope it's one of those paint-by-number houses.
KEVIN: Shut up, butthead!
[KEVIN exits past the camera.]
[WAYNE makes a face at KEVIN off-screen, and returns to his lamp.]
NARRATOR: After all, if there was one thing I didn't need, it was my family bringing me down.
Cut to
NARRATOR: I had my friends to do that.
RANDY: Paint a house? A whole house?
RICKY: That sounds like work!
KEVIN: I thought you guys needed the money.
[RICKY and RANDY look at each other, and nod in agreement.]
RANDY: How much you paying?
NARRATOR: Let's see, here...five-hundred divided by three, comes to...
KEVIN: Twenty bucks a man?
[RANDY and RICKY look at each other and start laughing. They walk away.]
NARRATOR: OK, if that's the way they wanted it - fine.
[Bell rings.]
Cut to
NARRATOR: After all, I didn't need them. What I needed were men. Men who took joy in their work. Solid, blue-collar men.
[Wide shot of KEVIN past DONNELLY. DONNELLY has his feet up.]
NARRATOR: Men like...
[Close shot of DONNELLY launching a rubberband toward the ceiling.]
NARRATOR: Jimmy Donnelly...
[The camera pans across.]
NARRATOR: Eddie Horvath...
[HORVATH has a long string of gum hanging off his nose.]
NARRATOR: And Joey Spinoza.
[SPINOZA shoots a spitwad at a piece of paper.]
[Shot past DONNELLY's feet of KEVIN looking at the guys.]
NARRATOR: I dunno, call it instinct, but somehow, I knew I'd found my crew.
[KEVIN rises and approaches, smiling.]
KEVIN: So guys. Want to make a few dollars?
[Wide shot of the guys straightening up.]
NARRATOR: Bingo.
[Close shot of Donelly looking at KEVIN off-screen.]
DONNELLY: Dollars?
Cut to
NARRATOR: And so with that, my team was complete.
[The camera pulls back. SPINOZA is trying to watch the paint can, while HORVATH touches it gingerly.]
NARRATOR: Sure, maybe they weren't much on experience...
The camera pulls back to reveal Kevin walking past the guys, holding a paint tray. Donnelly follows him]
NARRATOR: But they did have their good points. They worked hard, they worked fast. But most of all, they worked cheap.
[KEVIN and DONNELLY pause near a stack of paint cans.]
DONNELLY: So, Arnold. When you said a few dollars, exactly how few were you talkin' about?
KEVIN: I'm not sure. Ya know, I gotta buy supplies...and there's overhead...
DONNELLY: In ballpark figures.
KEVIN: Twenty...
[Close shot of DONNELLY.]
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Four...
[Close shot of DONNELLY frowning.]
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Ninety-five.
[KEVIN grabs a can of paint and starts to walk off.]
[Shot of DONNELLY. He looks off and shakes his head.]
DONNELLY: Thirty.
KEVIN: Thirty!?
NARRATOR: So this guy wanted to play hardball, huh?
KEVIN: Sorry. Twenty-six is my limit.
[KEVIN takes a can of paint from another stack.]
DONNELLY: Twenty-eight. That's as low as I go.
[Close shot of KEVIN shouting at DONNELLY off-screen.]
KEVIN: Twenty-seven.
DONNELLY: I'll go talk to my boys.
[Wide shot of both as DONNELLY walks away.]
[Close shot of KEVIN approaching the clerk.]
NARRATOR: Heh-heh. Game, set, and match - Arnold. At eighty-some bucks for labor, plus materials, I'd have enough left from the five hundred to qualify as a small fortune.
[The camera pulls back behind the clerk as KEVIN sets his paint and supplies down.]
CLERK: OK. One-forty-two...for the paint.
[Close shot of the clerk.]
CLERK: That's twenty-eight...for the brushes.
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning and glancing off.]
CLERK [V/O]: Thirty-five for the rollers. And sixteen bucks for the tarp.
NARRATOR: A very small fortune.
[KEVIN frowns.]
KEVIN: One-forty-two for the paint? How'd you get that?
[Close shot of the clerk.]
CLERK: I added!
[Shot of KEVIN looking in his wallet as DONNELLY and HORVATH approach from behind.]
CLERK [V/O]: You got a grand-total of two-fifty-eight eighty-eight.
DONNELLY: OK. We're in.
[DONNELLY walks off, followed by HORVATH, followed by SPINOZA.]
NARRATOR: I was kinda like watching my wallet bleed to death.
[KEVIN looks at the clerk off-screen.]
NARRATOR: Still, at least now maybe the hemorrhage was complete.
[Close shot of the clerk.]
CASHIER: Plus tax.
[Close shot of KEVIN. He frowns as he pays.]
Cut to
[KEVIN and his "crew" walk into the shot.]
NARRATOR: The next morning, we arrived - on time, ready to tackle the task at hand. With just one little problem.
[Wide shot of the guys.]
DONNELLY: You never said anything about it being two storeys.
[KEVIN frowns, and points with a brush.]
KEVIN: That's not two storeys.
DONNELLY: That's a window! Right there! Man, this is gonna cost more. I'd say...at least - fifty.
KEVIN: Fifty!? Yeah, but we agreed on -
DONNELLY: Fifty. Up front, and in cash.
NARRATOR: It was a holdup worthy of Jesse James. And I wasn't buying.
KEVIN: Oh, no. No way, forget it!
DONNELLY: But Arnold -
KEVIN: Donnelly, we had a deal. And a deal's a deal. Period.
NARRATOR: Hey, I was no patsy. After all, I had an investment here.
MISS FARMER [V/O]: Kevin!
[Close shot of MISS FARMER's feet as she steps onto the porch. The camera pans up to her face.]
NARRATOR: Unfortunately, at that moment, the stock market crashed.
MISS FARMER: I'm so glad you're here! Are you just about ready to get started?
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Uh, sure! Just about.
MISS FARMER: Good!
[Wide shot of the guys. MISS FARMER goes back inside.]
DONNELLY: OK, Arnold. So we have a deal?
[DONNELLY holds out his hand.]
KEVIN: Fine...
NARRATOR: What else could I do? I was stymied. Greed and temptation had conspired against me.
KEVIN: Just get to work now, OK?
DONNELLY: You got it.
[DONNELLY divides up the money and passes it out.]
NARRATOR: And then there was really nothing left to say, but -
DONNELLY: Boys? Breaktime!
[The guys walk away. KEVIN looks after them.]
NARRATOR: Right.
Fade to
["Takin' Care of Business" - Bachman-Turner Overdrive plays through the scene.]
[Close shot of paint cans as they are opened.]
[KEVIN pours some paint into a tray, and hands it to DONNELLY.]
[The camera pulls back to show the guys painting.]
NARRATOR: So that weekend we got to work. We banded together as a team. It was time to put economic differences behind us.
[Close shot of KEVIN smiling.]
NARRATOR: It was time...to paint.
[Shot of a gloved hand painting the window-frame, then the glass. The camera pans to show HORVATH looking at his mistake.]
NARRATOR: Sure, maybe we had no idea what we were doing. So what?
[Shot of DONNELLY using a paint-scraper.]
NARRATOR: What we lacked in experience, we made up with...
[DONNELLY bangs the scraper into the wood.]
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]
NARRATOR: Lack of experience. And after two days of work...
[Shot of SPINOZA painting his shoe.]
NARRATOR: One thing was crystal-clear...
[Wide shot of the guys. KEVIN steps off the ladder.]
NARRATOR: This was a disaster.
KEVIN: Can't you guys go any faster?
DONNELLY: We're going as fast as we can.
[Close shot of KEVIN getting more paint. He looks up and gestures.]
KEVIN: Hey, Donnelly, why don't you take that top window up there?
[Close shot of DONNELLY.]
DONNELLY: I'm afraid of heights.
[Close shot of KEVIN. He frowns.]
KEVIN: I paid you for a second floor.
DONNELLY: I know. I appreciate it! [Smiles.]
[HORVATH spills a can of paint, which bounces in front of KEVIN.]
[Close shot of SPINOZA on the ladder.]
HORVATH: Hey, Arnold. We're gonna need some more paint.
[Close shot of KEVIN. He frowns.]
NARRATOR: Time was money, paint was money...I guess I knew what I had to do.
[KEVIN gets up, walks around the house.]
NARRATOR: I had to ask Miss Farmer for an extra hundred dollars. It shouldn't be difficult.
[KEVIN opens the gate to the backyard, walks forward and pauses.]
NARRATOR: This was business - simple economics. It had nothing to do with anything else.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER, wearing a zebra-patterned bathing suit and reclining on a chaise-lounge, reading.]
[Close shot of KEVIN smiling a little. The camera zooms in slowly.]
NARRATOR: Nothing to do with long legs, with soft skin, with the way a woman smelled in the morning.
[Shot of MISS FARMER as KEVIN approaches.]
KEVIN: Miss Farmer? You got a second?
MISS FARMER: Hi, Kevin!
KEVIN: Uh...hi!
MISS FARMER: I guess it must look kind of silly - me sunbathing here without a pool.
NARRATOR: But somehow, "silly" wasn't exactly the word that came to mind.
MISS FARMER: So? How's it going?
KEVIN: Oh, fine! It's just...actually, uh, what I came to tell ya is I think it's gonna cost a little more than I thought.
MISS FARMER: Really? Well, you should have told me! You can always come to me when you have a problem.
[MISS FARMER pulls out a wad of money from her bag.]
[Close shot of KEVIN smiling.]
NARRATOR: Holy cow! This was gonna be easier than I thought. I was funded, I was flush! I was back in the chips.
MISS FARMER: Here!
[MISS FARMER holds out a bill and smiles.]
MISS FARMER: Here's an extra ten dollars.
NARRATOR: I was working...for peanuts.
[Close shot of KEVIN. He forces a smile.]
KEVIN: Thanks.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER smiling.]
MISS FARMER: I'm glad I could help.
Cut to
CLERK: There's paint, paint remover, pans, brushes...anything else?
[KEVIN looks over his shoulder.]
KEVIN: A ladder.
[Close shot of the clerk.]
CLERK: Oh, yeah!
[Shot past the clerk of KEVIN frowning.]
CLERK: You starting a new house?
[KEVIN frowns and nods.]
KEVIN: Yeah, I'm painting the whole block.
[Close shot of the clerk. He smiles.]
CLERK: Oooh...
[Shot past the clerk of KEVIN as he gets his wallet.]
CLERK: OK...let's add it up. That's forty-one dollars.
NARRATOR: It was amazing. Forty-one on the nose. My once-magnificent fortune was now completely gone.
CLERK: Plus there's tax. [Smiles.]
[Wide shot of both as KEVIN slaps some money into the clerk's hand.]
CLERK: Thanks! [Smiles.]
Cut to
NARRATOR: I was flat broke. Busted. My only hope was to cut my losses and finish the job before it finished me.
HORVATH [V/O]: Hey, Donnelly, over here. Look.
[Shot of HORVATH and SPINOZA looking in a window. DONNELLY approaches and looks in.]
DONNELLY: Whoa!
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]
KEVIN: Hey guys!
[Shot from behind KEVIN of the guys. They look up.]
KEVIN: You think we can get painting done here?
DONNELLY: Lighten up, Arnold. We're on a break!
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]
KEVIN: Alright, that's it!
[KEVIN comes down the ladder.]
NARRATOR: I'd had enough.
[Close shot of DONNELLY frowning at KEVIN, then looking through the window.]
NARRATOR: I was fed up with these jokers. I'd been pushed to my limits.
[KEVIN approaches the guys.]
KEVIN: Hey, you guys took a break twenty minutes ago. It's time to get some work done now.
DONNELLY: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
NARRATOR: And maybe that's when it hit me...
[KEVIN frowns, moves to the window, and looks in.]
NARRATOR: The horrible truth.
[Shot of MISS FARMER dusting some shelves.]
[Close shot of KEVIN looking at the guys.]
NARRATOR: I was letting this poor school teacher's house be painted by...a bunch of perverts.
KEVIN: You know, I can't believe you! I am really, really surprised.
[Shot of the guys looking at KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Donnelly, Spinoza, Horvath. I hired you. And from the first day all you've been doing is gold-bricking...and daydreaming.
[Shot past KEVIN of the guys.]
KEVIN: From now on, there's gonna be no more breaks, and no daydreaming. Do I make myself clear?!
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Now, you're gonna take pride in your work. And you're gonna paint! And you're not gonna stop painting until this job is finished!
[Close shot of the guys. They are thinking.]
NARRATOR: There! It was a summons to arms.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
NARRATOR: An appeal to old-fashioned red-blooded ethics that called for only one reply.
[Shot of the guys.]
DONNELLY: We quit!
[Shot of the guys walking past KEVIN. KEVIN gestures.]
HORVATH: Seeya.
KEVIN: What do you mean, "you quit"? You can't just quit.
[Close shot of KEVIN gesturing.]
KEVIN: I already paid you. I paid for those overalls!
[Shot past KEVIN of the guys walking away.]
KEVIN: And those gloves...
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
NARRATOR: But suddenly - I was on my own.
Cut to
[Close shot of NORMA looking with concern at KEVIN off-screen.]
NORMA: Kevin? Honey, are you alright?
[Wide shot of all.]
KEVIN: Yeah, I'm fine.
[NORMA sits down.]
WAYNE: Hey, there's paint in my potatoes!
KEVIN: Shut up, butthead!
NARRATOR: That night I was in no mood for jokes. Or potatoes.
[Close shot of NORMA.]
NORMA: You sure you're not working too hard?
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Yeah! Mom, I told ya, I'm fine.
[Close shot of NORMA serving herself.]
KEVIN [V/O]: Really.
[Close shot of KEVIN looking at his food.]
KEVIN: Besides...it's my job.
[Close shot of JACK smiling, and looking at his food.]
NORMA [V/O]: I know. But you look exhausted.
[Close shot of NORMA.]
NORMA: Honey, no one would blame you if you quit.
[Shot past NORMA of KEVIN. He pauses with a forkful of food, and glances to JACK, then back to NORMA.]
KEVIN: They wouldn't?
[Close shot of NORMA. She smiles and shakes her head.]
NARRATOR: And there it was - peace with honor.
[Shot past NORMA of of KEVIN. He looks at the carrot on his fork.]
JACK [V/O]: Quit?!
[KEVIN looks toward JACK off-screen.]
[Close shot of JACK. He glances from KEVIN to NORMA off-screen.]
JACK: He's not gonna quit.
[Close shot of NORMA looking at JACK off-screen.]
NARRATOR: Woops.
[Wide shot of all.]
JACK: Ya know, Kevin, at first I had my doubts.
[Close shot past JACK of KEVIN.]
JACK: But seeing how hard you've been working...
[Close shot of JACK.]
JACK: I gotta say...I'm impressed, son.
[JACK pats KEVIN's shoulder.]
[Close shot past JACK of KEVIN.]
NARRATOR: And I guess that's when I realized. Looking into my father's eye's...
[KEVIN and JACK glance at NORMA off-screen.]
[Close shot of JACK smiling.]
NARRATOR: Seeing his admiration, his trust, his total mis-reading of the situation...
[Close shot of KEVIN looking at JACK off-screen then looking away.]
NARRATOR: I knew there was only one thing to do.
Cut to
[KEVIN gets out and trots toward the house.]
NARRATOR: I was gonna turn a profit from this thing, or die trying.
[Close shot of KEVIN approaching the camera.]
NARRATOR: Sure, I'd gotten confused by beauty, by lust, by greed.
[Shot of the door as KEVIN walks past the camera and knocks on the door.]
NARRATOR: Nope.
[KEVIN turns around and rests on a post.]
NARRATOR: From now on, business was business, was...
[Fantasy scene. MISS FARMER opens the door, all dolled-up in a sequined red dress. Bluesy saxophone music plays. KEVIN turns around, and she grabs KEVIN's shirt and pulls him toward her.]
MISS FARMER: I've been waiting for you.
NARRATOR: Never mind...
KEVIN: You have?
[Back to reality. Shot of the inside of the door as MISS FARMER opens it, revealing KEVIN. He turns around.]
MISS FARMER: Oh, Kevin!
KEVIN: Oh, hi.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER.]
MISS FARMER: I'm glad you stopped by. Won't you come in? [Gestures.]
[Wider shot of the kitchen as they enter.]
MISS FARMER: I just made some lemonade. Would you like some?
[MISS FARMER walks out of the shot while KEVIN closes the door.]
KEVIN: No thanks. I just came over to tell you something.
[Shot of MISS FARMER approaching the sink, and glancing over her shoulder.]
MISS FARMER: Oh? What?
[Shot of KEVIN approaching, then pausing.]
NARRATOR: At that moment, I noticed something about Miss Farmer that I'd never before seen.
[Shot of MISS FARMER looking at KEVIN expectantly. The camera pans across the room to a man holding some papers.]
NARRATOR: She had a large man in her kitchen.
[Wide shot of the three of them.]
MISS FARMER: Oh, Kevin. This is Mr. Kaplan.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER. She smiles.]
MISS FARMER: He just...bought my house.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: What?!
[Close shot of MR. KAPLAN.]
MR. KAPLAN: Please, Lisa...[smiles]...Dave.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER.]
MISS FARMER: We just signed the papers this morning.
[Shot of KEVIN and MISS FARMER. KEVIN glances at MR. KAPLAN off-screen, while MISS FARMER turns to the counter.]
NARRATOR: I couldn't believe it. She'd really done this?
[KEVIN frowns and steps closer.]
KEVIN: You're moving?
[Close shot past KEVIN of MISS FARMER.]
MISS FARMER: Not far...it's just a little apartment across town.
[Shot past MISS FARMER of KEVIN looking concerned.]
[Shot past KEVIN of MISS FARMER. She looks down, then off and smiles.]
MISS FARMER: I love this house. You know, when I first moved in, I thought one day I'd get married, and raise my family here...
[Close shot of MR. KAPLAN frowning.]
[Shot past MISS FARMER of KEVIN.]
MISS FARMER: I just don't know what it is about this neighborhood.
[Close shot of MISS FARMER. She looks off.]
MISS FARMER: The mailman, my next-door neighbor with his lawn-mower...seems these guys see a single girl and all they want to do is take advantage of her.
[MISS FARMER looks at KEVIN.]
[Close shot of KEVIN glancing off.]
KEVIN: Oh...
[Close shot of MR. KAPLAN. He gestures with the papers.]
MR. KAPLAN: Uh...
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
[Close shot of MISS FARMER looking down.]
NARRATOR: And somehow, right then, I began to get an inkling of what was really going on here.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Well, uh...I guess you won't want me to finish painting the house, then, right?
[KEVIN smiles and gestures.]
[Close shot of MISS FARMER smiling.]
MISS FARMER: Why, Kevin! Of course I do! After all, we made a deal, didn't we?
[MISS FARMER crosses in front of KEVIN to the lemonade.]
NARRATOR: I guess I already knew what came
next.
[MISS FARMER smiles at KEVIN.]
MISS FARMER: And a deal's a deal.
[Wide shot from behind MR. KAPLAN. KEVIN and MISS FARMER are at the counter in the background.]
NARRATOR: Yeah, that was it - the bottom-line. In anyone's ledger.
[KEVIN approaches MR. KAPLAN.]
KEVIN: Mr. Kaplan...
[Close shot of MR. KAPLAN looking up from his paper.]
KEVIN: Ya know, this painting is getting pretty expensive. I'm gonna need some extra money to finish it.
MR. KAPLAN: Don't look at me kid. I just paid fifty-five grand, for a forty-thousand-dollar house.
[MR. KAPLAN nods, and looks past KEVIN.]
[KEVIN looks over his shoulder.]
NARRATOR: In a world where everyone was taking advantage of everybody else...
[Shot of MISS FARMER reaching up into a cabinet.]
NARRATOR: Sex and economics were facts of life.
[Shot of KEVIN and MR. KAPLAN looking at her off-screen.]
NARRATOR: For all of us.
Cut to
[MISS FARMER walks into the shot.]
MISS FARMER: The teenagers in Africa have a life that's very much different than yours...
[Shot of KEVIN looking at her off-screen, and writing in his book.]
NARRATOR: I continued to see Miss Farmer every day, but, somehow, it wasn't the same after that.
MISS FARMER: They usually spend their time working...
Cut to
NARRATOR: After all, in a way, she had
done me a favor - taught me a lesson in "life".
[KEVIN looks around and sighs.]
NARRATOR: To wit, when it came to beautiful women and money, it would always end like this -
[KEVIN resumes painting.]
NARRATOR: Some guy would get stuck on a ladder in November...
MR. KAPLAN [V/O]: Hey!
[KEVIN glances down.]
[Close shot of MR. KAPLAN in his bathrobe on the porch, holding his newspaper.]
MR. KAPLAN: You missed a spot! [Gestures.]
["If I Didn't Care" - The Inkspots starts.]
[MR. KAPLAN walks toward the open door.]
[Wide shot of the house as MR. KAPLAN closes the door, and KEVIN resumes painting.]
[The camera slowly pulls back to take in the entire house.]
NARRATOR: And some guy would end up alone. All I know for sure is, it took me six weeks to finish painting that house. It cost me two-hundred-and-fourteen dollars of my own hard-earned money. And the next spring, Mr. Kaplan put up aluminum siding.
Fade to
Miss Farmer - Rebecca Staab
Donnelly - Seth Green
Paint Clerk - William Bronder
Mr. Kaplan - Jack McGee
Please mail to reynders@merck.de Peter if you find any errors, or if you have any comments or suggestions.