The Wonder Years - Transcript

Episode 74: "Full Moon Rising"

Written by Mark B. Perry
Transcribed by Kyle Gittins
Edited by Peter Reynders

OPENING SEQUENCE

[Shots of cars. "Little GTO" - Ronny & The Daytonas plays.]

[The original opening sequence shows a clip from a James Dean Movie: Rebel Without a Cause.  It's a scene where James and an oppenent are playing that version of chicken where you drive towards a cliff and see who jumps out first.]

[A girl is standing in a makeshift runway, lined with old cars facing the runway.  She raises her arms and yells "Hit your lights!"  She is flooded with car lights.  We see two nervous oppenents in their cars - one of whom is James Dean - revving up their engines.  James checks to make sure his door will open.]

NARRATOR: Adolescence is kind of a screwy time.

A nervous observer crosses his fingers.

NARRATOR: A time of hope and confusion.

[The girl lowers and raises her arms, and the cars race forward.]

NARRATOR:  It's a race to find out who you really are.

[Shot of James throwing a cigarette out the door.]

[Shots of the drivers looking at one another, and looking at the road.

[Shot of the observer with fingers still crossed.  The cars rush past the girl on either side.]

NARRATOR:  But if there's one thing teenager knows, it's this.

[Shot of James' opponent realizing that the cuff of his jacket has gotten caught on the window crank.]

NARRATOR: Stated simply... if you want to be a star...

[James rolls out of his car onto the ground.  Opponent stuggles to free his cuff while driving at high speed.  The car flies off the cliff as the driver screams.]

NARRATOR:  ...you gotta have a car.

[The car crashes.]

Cut to opening theme.

NARRATOR: Cars - the ultimate dream of every red-blooded American kid. Cars meant freedom, status, maturity. If you were old enough to drive, the world was your oyster. But, if you weren't...

Cut to


EXT. DAY. THE BUS.

[Shot from the rear of the bus as KEVIN, RANDY and PURDLE enter.]

NARRATOR: Your world was more of a sardine - to really stretch an analogy.

[Shot from behind a student with a trombone case who is trying to move forward, as KEVIN squeezes past.]

KEVIN: Excuse me! Can you move your...instrument? [Frowns.]

NARRATOR: Without wheels, life was one indignity after another.

[The hand-held camera moves back as KEVIN, PURDLE and RANDY walk down the aisle.]

PURDLE: This bus smells like lunch.

KEVIN: Tell me about it.

[KEVIN moves past the camera, as it pans slightly to include two girls sitting about half-way back. PURDLE pauses and smiles at them.]

PURDLE: Oh, I think I'll stick around here for awhile.

[Shot of the two girls smiling in disbelief and looking at each other.]

[Close shot of PURDLE and RANDY.]

NARRATOR: A series of humiliations.

[RANDY taps PURDLE on the shoulder.]

RANDY: Will you move?! Can't take you anywhere.

[RANDY frowns and shakes his head, as they move past the camera.]

[Shot from the front of the bus as PURDLE and RANDY take a seat together, across the aisle from KEVIN.]

NARRATOR: And faced with these constant embarrassments...you look for any small way to elevate your status.

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling and looking at the guys off-screen.]

KEVIN: So what are you guys doin' this weekend?

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY. RANDY glances at PURDLE, who shrugs, then back to KEVIN off-screen.]

PURDLE: What about you?

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: I got a date Friday night.

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE, as PURDLE smiles and nods.]

PURDLE: Alright, Kevin!

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling and looking at the guys off-screen.]

NARRATOR: The trick was to keep your friends jealous.

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE.]

RANDY: So, uh, how, uh...you gettin' there? [Smiles.]

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: My mom's drivin' us.

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE.]

RANDY: Whoa! Walk on the wild side. [Smiles.]

PURDLE: Yeah! Tell your mom not to look in the rear-view mirror.

[PURDLE and RANDY laugh.]

[Close shot of KEVIN frowning and glancing away.]

NARRATOR: Fact was, we all knew the bottom-line.

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE smiling. PURDLE taps RANDY, and RANDY whacks him back and frowns.]

NARRATOR: To be truly free and functioning high-school men, what we needed...was a car.

[Close shot of KEVIN gazing off.]

Cut to


INT. DAY. KEVIN'S BEDROOM.

[Close shot of KEVIN walking across the room, reading a DMV test booklet.]

KEVIN: OK, you're coming up to a four-way stop.

[KEVIN pauses and looks at RICKY off-screen.]

NARRATOR: What we had...

[Close shot of RICKY is sitting on the floor, leaning against a bed, eating popcorn.]

NARRATOR: ...was Ricky Halsenbach - the first kid in our class to turn sixteen.

[RICKY sighs, frowns, and gestures.]

RICKY: Four-way stop...I'm there.

[Wide shot of the room. RANDY and PURDLE sit on one bed with their backs to the camera. RICKY is sitting against the opposite bed, and KEVIN is standing near the bureau.]

KEVIN: All cars...arrive at the same time.

RICKY: Same time...[gestures]...I'm there.

[Close shot of KEVIN bending closer, looking at RICKY off-screen.]

KEVIN: Now...which car...has the right-of-way?

[Close shot of RICKY thinking,and grabbing a cheese-puff, as Jeopardy "Think Music" plays.]

[Close shot of RANDY and PURDLE looking at RICKY off-screen.]

[Shot of RICKY frowning and eating a cheese-puff.]

[Close shot of KEVIN leaning forward, waiting.]

[Close shot of RICKY.]

["Think Music" ends - dum-dum!]

[RICKY smiles.]

RICKY: Hhhhh - I don't know!

[Wide shot as KEVIN sighs.]

KEVIN: The car on your right!

[KEVIN tosses the booklet in RICKY's lap, and walks toward the door in frustration.]

NARRATOR: By quirk of fate...

[Close shot of RICKY picking up the booklet.]

NARRATOR: ...and the fact that he'd repeated third-grade twice...

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE, holding soda bottles.]

NARRATOR: ...our ticket to ride...was riding on his ill-equipped shoulders.

[Close shot of KEVIN looking at RICKY off-screen.]

[Close shot of RICKY as PURDLE leans forward and pats him on the shoulder.]

PURDLE: We knew you could do it, Ricky.

[RICKY frowns.]

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY looking at each other.]

[Close shot of RICKY looking down.]

RICKY: I can't do it! I just got too much stuff going on in my head.

[He raises his hands and shakes his head.]

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY looking at each other.]

RANDY: Interesting theory...

[Close shot of KEVIN kneeling down, looking at RICKY off-screen.]

KEVIN: Look. Ricky, if you get your license, you won't ever have to beg for a ride again.

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE.]

RANDY: We'll be the coolest guys in tenth-grade!

PURDLE: Yeah, the chicks will be climbing all over us!

[RANDY smacks PURDLE on the side of the head.]

[Close shot of RICKY smiling, then tilting his head.]

RICKY: Ask me another one!

[Shot past RICKY of KEVIN looking in the booklet.]

KEVIN: OK. You're going forty miles an hour.

[KEVIN looks at RICKY, who gestures.]

KEVIN: How many car-lengths should you allow between you, and the car in front of you?

[Close shot of RICKY frowning heavily.]

RICKY: Whoa, hnnn...that's...a good question. [Smiles.]

[Sound of penalty buzzer.]

[Shot of RICKY and KEVIN. KEVIN looks at RICKY blankly, drops the booklet, and rests his head in his hand.]

NARRATOR: It was almost too much to bear.

Cut to


EXT. DAY. DMV PARKING LOT.

[Close shot from ground level of four plastic orange cones, as RICKY slowly drives forward over them, and screeches to a stop.]

NARRATOR: Here we were...

[Shot of RICKY and a large woman tester through the windshield.]

NARRATOR: ...poised to leap into the stratosphere of manhood...

[Shot of the bumper and cones as RICKY backs up.]

RICKY [V/O]: Sorry.

[Shot of a long row of cones as RICKY makes a wide turns, with screeching tires, and runs them down.]

NARRATOR: And we couldn't even get out of the parking lot.

[Shot past the tester of RICKY.]

RICKY: Huh - s-sorry.

[Theo woman makes a mark on her clipboard.]

[Shot from behind KEVIN, PURDLE, and RANDY, as they watch from the building glass doors, as RICKY run down cones.]

RANDY: Is this as bad as it looks?

[Shot through the door of the guys.]

PURDLE: Well, I think he's killed every one of those orange cones.

KEVIN: Well, he's still got a chance. [Gestures.] I got him at about an eighty-one.

[Telephot shot of RICKY running over a row of cones.]

RICKY [V/O]: Sorry!

[Shot of RICKY and the tester through the windshield as they stop.]

[The woman sighs.]

WOMAN: Alright, Mr. Halsenbach.

[Shot past the woman of RICKY.]

RICKY: Uh...you can call me Ricky. [Smiles.]

WOMAN: Just give me a three-point turn, and we're done.

[RICKY tries to put the car in reverse, and grinds the transmission.]

[Shot of RICKY and the woman through the windshield.]

NARRATOR: This much seemed clear.

[RICKY puts his arm over the seatback, and looks over his shoulder as he starts to back up.]

NARRATOR: When it came to hitching our wagon to a star...

[Shot from the side of the car as RICKY backs up.]

NARRATOR: ...we'd picked the wrong wagon.

[Close shot of a row of cones, as RICKY runs over them.]

[Shot past the woman of RICKY frowning.]

RICKY: Uh, uh, sorry...

[RICKY looks forward and puts the car in "drive".]

[Shot from behind the guys as they watch RICKY in the distance.]

RANDY: Man! This is an embarrassment!

PURDLE: Unbelievable!

[Wide shot past some cones, of the guys in the distance.]

NARRATOR: We stood there, knowing it was a lost cause...

[Shot from the guys' perspective of the parked car, as RICKY slowly walks toward the back with his hands in his pockets.]

NARRATOR: ...but clinging desperately to some hope for a miracle.

[The woman gets out. They meet behind the car.]

NARRATOR: And then...

WOMAN: There you are, Mr. Halsenbach.

[She hands RICKY his test and walks out of the shot.]

NARRATOR: ...the miracle occurred.

[RICKY looks at his test.]

[Closer shot of RICKY smiling, and holding his test up toward the guys.]

[Shot of KEVIN, RANDY and PURDLE through the window. They look at each other, then jump around in celebration. Beethoven's "Ninth Symphony" plays.]

KEVIN: Yes! Yes!

[Wide shot of RICKY shooting his arms up in celebration.]

[Shot of the guys throught the door.]

NARRATOR: Call it chance...

KEVIN: Yes!

NARRATOR: Call it error.

[The guys hoot and cheer.]

NARRATOR: The State had entrusted Ricky Halsenbach...

[Shot of RICKY getting ready to get his picture taken at the DMV.]

NARRATOR: ...with a two-ton lethal weapon on an open highway.

[RICKY freezes and smiles, as the flash from the DMV camera goes off.]

[Black-and-white still photograph of RICKY smiling.]

NARRATOR: And we...were on our way.

[Music ends.]

Cut to


EXT. DAY. THE BUS.

[Shot past PURDLE and RANDY of RICKY and KEVIN.]

RICKY: Did you see my three-point turn?

RANDY: Yeah, they're still talking about it!

[The guys laugh.]

[RANDY whacks PURDLE on the shoulder.]

PURDLE: Ow!

NARRATOR: Sure, maybe we were still sardines...

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling.]

NARRATOR: ...but at least we knew we were about to bust out of our can.

[Shot past KEVIN of PURDLE and RANDY as PURDLE smiles and gestures.]

PURDLE: Looks like...we're cruisin' for chicks.

[RANDY miles and nods.]

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling.]

KEVIN: We can go anywhere we want!

[Shot past KEVIN of PURDLE and RANDY.]

RANDY: Yeah! And everybody is gonna see us!

[PURDLE smiles and makes a fist.]

PURDLE: Especially the chicks.

[RANDY smacks him on the back of the head.]

[Close shot of RICKY smiling.]

NARRATOR: And there you had it. Rising up before us...

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling.]

NARRATOR: ...was the dawn of a new era.

[Theme from "Hawaii 5-O".]

[Fade to fantasy scene of the guys in parody of a TV show opening. They wear Hawaiian shirts and sit in a red convertible. PURDLE, RANDY and KEVIN move up and sit on the seat backs and exchange "high-fives". A huge wave is projected on background.]

NARRATOR: An era of freedom.

[Same type of shot, different clothes, with a Las Vegas strip background.]

NARRATOR: An era of adventure.

[Same type of shot, different clothes, with the Eiffel Tower as the background. There are four girls in the car with them.]

NARRATOR: An era of fun.

[Cut to reality. Close shot of RICKY smiling.]

RICKY: And my mom said I can have the car Friday night!

[The music grinds down, and sound effects of a skidding car and collision.]

[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]

NARRATOR: An era of bad timing.

[KEVIN turns to RICKY off-screen.]

KEVIN: Friday night?

[Shot of RICKY looking at KEVIN off-screen.]

KEVIN [V/O]: This Friday night?

[Shot past KEVIN of PURDLE and RANDY. PURDLE gestures.]

PURDLE: What's wrong?

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: I told ya - I got a date!

[Shot past KEVIN of PURDLE and RANDY. RANDY glances off.]

PURDLE: Look, you can have a date any Friday night.

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: What am I supposed to do about Cindy?

[Close shot of RANDY.]

RANDY: Easy. Dump her.

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: I can't do that! [Frowns.]

[Close shot of RANDY.]

RANDY: Kevin! This is everything we ever dreamed of!

[Close shot of PURDLE smiling.]

RANDY [V/O]: We're talkin' us - the guys...

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

RANDY [V/O]: In a car!

[Close shot of RANDY.]

RANDY: Don't you get it? This is cool! [Nods.]

[Close shot of RICKY smiling and nodding.]

NARRATOR: And of course,...

[Close shot of KEVIN as he smiles.]

NARRATOR: ...faced with logic of that caliber, there was only one thing to do.

Cut to


INT. DAY. BIOLOGY CLASS.

[Close shot of CINDY looking in the camera and frowning.]

CINDY: Your grandmother?

NARRATOR: Lie.

[Wide shot of KEVIN and CINDY sitting at a work table in the middle of the class.]

KEVIN: Uh, yeah. I'm such an idiot...[gestures]...I completely forgot she was coming to visit.

CINDY: Oh! Well...

[CINDY looks down to her frog.]

[Close shot past CINDY of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: You know, she hasn't been well.

[CINDY looks at KEVIN, as he looks down.]

KEVIN: S-she's got this bad, uh...liver!

[KEVIN quickly looks at CINDY.]

CINDY: Oh...

[Shot past KEVIN of CINDY frowning in sympathy.]

KEVIN: So her, you know...

[Shot past CINDY of KEVIN looking down.]

KEVIN: So her, liver has been acting up.

[KEVIN looks at CINDY.]

[Shot past KEVIN of CINDY frowning in sympathy, then looking at her frog.]

Maybe because I was nervous because I was dissecting a frog...

[Shot past CINDY of KEVIN looking down, and frowning.]

NARRATOR: But the word "liver" seemed to pop up frequently.

[KEVIN shrugs.]

KEVIN: Anyway...

[KEVIN looks at CINDY.]

KEVIN: My mother wants us all home Friday night, to be with my grandmother, and her...liver.

[Wide shot of them as CINDY looks up from the frog.]

CINDY: Maybe I could take a rain-check?

[Shot past CINDY as KEVIN smiles.]

KEVIN: Sure! That'd be great!

[Shot past KEVIN as CINDY smiles broadly.]

CINDY: Great!

NARRATOR: There. Artfully done.

[Close shot of KEVIN looking off and smiling slightly.]

NARRATOR: Now there was nothin' standing between me, the guys...

[KEVIN looks at CINDY off-screen.]

Cut to


INT. EVENING. ARNOLD LIVING ROOM.

[Wide shot of the room. JACK is standing near the front door. NORMA is near the TV, as KEVIN walks past the camera toward the door.]

[JACK puts on his jacket and sighs.]

NARRATOR: And the open road.

JACK: Where're you goin'?

[JACK looks at his watch as he walks toward the window.]

[KEVIN pauses.]

[Shot past JACK of KEVIN.]

NARRATOR: Nothin' except...a little game of twenty questions.

KEVIN: We haven't decided yet.

[NORMA turns toward KEVIN.]

NORMA: Well, who's driving, honey?

KEVIN: No one.

[Shot past JACK of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: Well...Ricky Halsenbach.

[Wide shot of all.]

JACK: Ohh yeahhh....I know him.

[Shot past JACK of KEVIN. He smiles.]

KEVIN: Right! You know Ricky!

[KEVIN glances toward the window.]

[Shot of JACK near the window, looking at KEVIN off-screen.]

JACK: He's that dopey-lookin' kid. He's an idiot.

[Close shot of NORMA.]

NORMA: Jack...

[Close shot of KEVIN shaking his head.]

KEVIN: W-...come on, Dad - he's a very good driver.

[Shot of JACK near the window, looking at KEVIN off-screen.]

JACK: I don't know about this.

[RICKY pulls up and over the curb into the front yard.]

[JACK looks at NORMA off-screen.]

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: He did really well on his driver's test.

[Shot of JACK looking at KEVIN off-screen, as RICKY backs off the lawn into the street.]

[Close shot of KEVIN swallowing and looking worried.]

KEVIN: You should see this guy parallel-park.

[Shot of JACK looking at KEVIN off-screen.]

NORMA [V/O]: Jack, we have to go.

[Shot of JACK and the window as NORMA approaches him.]

[NORMA looks toward KEVIN off-screen.]

NORMA: Just...don't forget - your curfew's at eleven, honey. [Smiles.]

[Close shot from behind KEVIN. Sound of sqealing tires.]

KEVIN: I won't.

[KEVIN smiles, and hurries out of the shot.]

[Wide shot of all as KEVIN runs out the front door.]

KEVIN: Have a nice night!

Cut to


EXT. NIGHT. RICKY'S CAR.

[Shot of the yard and house as KEVIN hurries to the street. The guys can be heard cheering.]

[The camera pulls back to include Ricky's car, as KEVIN approaches.]

NARRATOR: And so, the last obstacle had been cleared. It was time to hit the road in our very own set of wheels.

[KEVIN gets in the car.]

KEVIN: Let's do it!

[Close shot of the headlamp as RICKY turns on the lights.]

NARRATOR: Sure, maybe the wheels belonged to Ricky's mother.

[The camera pans up over the hood to the guys, who are smiling at each other.]

NARRATOR: But the night...belonged to us.

[Wide shot of the house and car, as RICKY drives out of the shot.]

NARRATOR: The possibilities seemed endless.

Cut to


EXT. NIGHT. THE ROAD.

[Shot of a street, and the car, as RICKY slowly pulls to the curb. The car is smoking from the rear wheels.]

PURDLE [V/O]: What's that smell?

[Shot of past KEVIN of RICKY.]

NARRATOR: As soon as Ricky released the parking brake.

[RICKY releases the parking brake.]

RICKY: So, uh, where we goin'?

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: What do you mean, "where are we goin'"?

PURDLE [V/O]: Well, what? Does it matter?

[Shot past KEVIN of RICKY.]

RICKY: Well, we oughtta go somewhere...[Gestures.]

RANDY [V/O]: Why?

RICKY: Hey! How about a movie?

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY in the back seat.]

RANDY: Come on - that is definitely uncool.

[Close shot of RICKY, from the back seat, looking over his shoulder and frowning.]

RICKY: It is?

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY.]

RANDY: Nobody's gonna see us at a movie.

[Shot past RICKY of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: Look, Ricky, the whole point of driving around is...

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: Driving around.

[Shot past KEVIN of RICKY.]

RICKY: I know...Hey! But have you guys seen "Willard"? I don't know how they get those rats to do those things!

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY looking at each other slowly.]

NARRATOR: It was our first crisis.

[Close shot of KEVIN frowning, and glancing toward the back.]

NARRATOR: We were momentarily floundering...

[KEVIN looks toward RICKY off-screen, and sighs.]

[Shot past KEVIN of RICKY.]

NARRATOR: ...like baby eagles freshly sprung from the nest. What we needed here was a sign...

[Shot of the all, from RICKY's side of the car. They all are frowning.]

NARRATOR: Inspiration...direction.

[Wide shot from in front of the car as a Mustang Mach 1 fastback pulls up next to them.]

RANDY [V/O]: Whoa!

[Shot of all the guys looking toward the car, off-screen.]

RANDY: Nice wheels!

[Shot of the driver and passenger in the other car glancing over.]

MUSTANGERS: Hey...!

[Shot of all the guys looking toward the car, smiling.]

KEVIN: Hey! [Smiles.]

NARRATOR: What we got was...

[Shot of the four guys in the Mustang turning toward RICKY's car off-screen. Some squeaky music plays.]

GUYS: Moon patrol! [They laugh.]

[Shot of KEVIN and RICKY looking dumbfounded.]

[Close shot of PURDLE looking dumbfounded.]

[Shot of RANDY looking dumbfounded.]

[Shot of the Mustang pulling away, as the occupants laugh.]

[Shot of Ricky's car, through the windshield. They guys are all lookingtoward the disappearing car, with their mouths open.]

NARRATOR: Pressed hams.

[Sound of a wolf howling.]

Fade to


EXT. NIGHT. THE STREET.

[Long shot of an intersection as a Karmann Ghia crosses the frame, andRicky's car approaches. "Little GTO" plays.]

NARRATOR: That night, as we drove around,...

[RICKY slows to a stop.]

NARRATOR: ...we began to understand the awesome responsibility of having a car.

ALL [V/O]: Chinese fire-drill!

[The guys get out, run around the car a couple times, as the driver behind them honks. The guys pile back in.]

[Shot of Rick's car approaching the camera, which pans with it as it passes, and enters a lighted tunnel.]

NARRATOR: We were exploring the uncharted regions of our new frontier...

[Shot out the windshield as the car goes through the tunnel. KEVIN's hand presses the horn.]

[Shot of the guys through the windshield as they laugh.]

NARRATOR: ...and laying on the horn, alot. Still...

[Close shot of KEVIN looking forward, then glancing around, smiling.]

NARRATOR: ...we knew we preparing ourselves for something much, much, more meaningful.

[Shot past RANDY of PURDLE.]

PURDLE: Come on, guys. Let's go pick up some chicks!

RANDY: Yeah, chicks!

[Shot past RICKY of KEVIN turned around.]

PURDLE [V/O]: Women!

[KEVIN smiles at RICKY.]

NARRATOR: The reason God had invented cars.

[Shot of the guys through the windshield.]

RICKY: So, where are they?

RANDY: Man, they're everywhere.

PURDLE: Yeah!

[Shot past RANDY of PURDLE.]

PURDLE: Just waiting to jump on us...grab us...smother us...

[RANDY nods.]

[Shot of KEVIN and PURDLE through the windshield.]

NARRATOR: It was an awesome thought.

[Shot of RICKY and RANDY through the windshield. RICKY smiles.]

RICKY: So, where are they?

[RICKY looks toward KEVIN off-screen.]

[Close shot of KEVIN looking at RICKY off-screen, then looking around.]

NARRATOR: Hmmm. Good question.

[Shot past RANDY of PURDLE as they look at each other.]

Cut to


EXT. NIGHT. ZESTY'S RESTAURANT.

[Wide shot of Zesty's Restaurant, with some kids out front.]

[The camera pulls back past RICKY's car, parked about four stalls away.]

NARRATOR: Fortunately, there was an answer - Zesty's - the place to go for burgers, fries, and...

[Shot from the front corner of the car, of the guys looking toward the restaurant off-screen.]

PURDLE: Whoa! Check out the hooters!

RANDY: Man...

[RANDY smacks PURDLE.]

RANDY: Can't take you anywhere...

[Shot from the guys' perspective of the take-out window area, as four girls gather and chat.]

NARRATOR: Still, the fact remained, if it was girls we were looking for...

[Shot past RICKY of KEVIN smiling.]

KEVIN: OK, we found 'em!

RICKY: Well, now what do we do?

[RICKY looks toward KEVIN. KEVIN glances at the guys in the back seat.]

[Shot past RANDY of PURDLE. They shrug and look at each other.]

NARRATOR: Hmmm. Good question.

Cut to


EXT. NIGHT. THE TAKE-OUT WINDOW.

[Shot of KEVIN looking at the take-out window clerk.]

KEVIN: Four chocolate shakes, two onion rings, two fries, and extra ketchup.

[KEVIN takes some money from his jacket pocket, and puts it on the counter.]

NARRATOR: And, there was nothin' left to do...

[KEVIN turns around smiling, and walks a few steps away from the window.]

NARRATOR: ...but stand around, look good, and get noticed.

[CINDY approaches from another order-window in the background.]

CINDY: Kevin?

[KEVIN turns around.]

CINDY: Hi!

[CINDY smiles and folds her arms over her jacket.]

[Close shot of KEVIN, a little taken aback.]

KEVIN: Cindy?

[Close shot of CINDY smiling.]

CINDY: What are you doing here?

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: Uh...

[Close shot of CINDY waiting patiently for an answer.]

[Close shot of KEVIN hesitating and glancing off.]

NARRATOR: Somehow, I had a feeling "checking out the hooters" wasn't gonna fly.

[KEVIN smiles suddenly and gesture.]

KEVIN: Getting shakes.

[Shot of them standing facing each other.]

KEVIN: See! [Points.] Here they are!

CINDY: Oh...

[KEVIN walks past CINDY to the window and collects his box of food. He starts to walk away past CINDY. CINDY smiles and trails after him.]

CINDY: Is your grandmother here?

[KEVIN slows and turns around. The camera moves in slightly.]

KEVIN: My grandmother?

[Close shot of CINDY smiling broadly and nodding.]

CINDY: Yeah.

NARRATOR: Liver!

[Close shot of KEVIN looking a little confused.]

KEVIN: Oh! No! She's back at home because of...

NARRATOR: Liver!

KEVIN: Her liver.

[Close shot of CINDY as she drops her smile.]

KEVIN [V/O]: Yeah, I'm - I'm just...

[Shot of KEVIN and CINDY.]

KEVIN: Here with...

[KEVIN glances over his shoulder and gestures with a tray of onion rings.]

KEVIN: My cousins. And, we have to get back with the shakes. Look...

[KEVIN holds up the box of four shakes.]

KEVIN: They're melting, see? [Smiles.]

[CINDY laughs a quick laugh.]

CINDY: Well, if you're with relatives, uh...[shrugs]...I guess I'll see you on Monday?

KEVIN: Uh...

[Close shot of KEVIN nodding.]

KEVIN: Yeah! Monday! [Smiles.]

[Shot of KEVIN and CINDY. KEVIN is smiling, embarrassed.]

NARRATOR: After all, no reason to dally.

KEVIN: Seeya later. [Smiles.]

[KEVIN pauses.]

NARRATOR: The best thing to do was amskray before she discovered who my cousins...

[KEVIN turns away.]

[Shot past KEVIN of RICKY's car in the distance. PURDLE and RANDY are hanging out the windows.]

PURDLE[V/O]: Hey, hey, hey! Ba-by...!

[KEVIN slows up.]

[Shot of KEVIN standing with his box of food, frowning. CINDY is in the background with her arms folded.]

NARRATOR: ...really were.

[Closer shot of the guys in RICKY's car.]

PURDLE: Hey, Kevin? Who's the fox? Owwwwww!

RANDY: Introduce us, man!

[PURDLE cat-calls.]

RICKY: Yeah. Come right over here...[Gestures.]

[Shot of KEVIN and CINDY.]

RICKY [V/O]: We got room!

[KEVIN hesitantly looks over his shoulder at CINDY, who frowns haughtily.]

NARRATOR: She didn't actually say anything. Her face did all the talking.

RANDY [V/O]: Looking good!

[Close shot of KEVIN looking over his shoulder past the camera.]

NARRATOR: It said my rain-check had been revoked.

[Shot of KEVIN and CINDY as KEVIN turns forward.]

NARRATOR: Permanently.

RICKY [V/O]: Have you seen "Willard"?

[KEVIN frowns, shakes his head, and walks past the camera. CINDY looks after him.]

[Shot of the driver's side of the car as KEVIN approaches the passenger door, crouching down.]

KEVIN: Let's get out of her!

PURDLE: What's the matter with you?

[Close shot of KEVIN trying to hold the food and open the door.]

KEVIN: Nothing. Just, let's get out of here!

[KEVIN looks at RICKY off-screen.]

KEVIN: Open the door, will ya?

[Close shot of RICKY.]

RICKY: Hey, where's my corndog?

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY sitting in back.]

PURDLE: Yeah, and you only got two orders of onion rings.

[Close shot past RICKY of KEVIN, as he gestures.]

KEVIN: Will you just open the stupid door?!

[RICKY leans over to open the door.]

PURDLE [V/O]: Kev...!

KEVIN: Here!

[KEVIN holds the box of food out.]

[Shot of PURDLE taking the box from KEVIN's hands.]

PURDLE: You're getting shakes all over me, man! [Frowns.]

[Shot of KEVIN getting in the door.]

KEVIN: Good! Now come on, Ricky, drive.

[Close shot of RICKY starting the car.]

RANDY [V/O]: Sheesh - what a grouch!

[Shot of the side of the car as RICKY looks over his shoulder, and backs out of the shot.]

Cut to


EXT. NIGHT. CITY STREET.

[Wide shot of cars driving down a boulevard. The camera pans with Ricky'scar as it approaches.]

NARRATOR: The night was still young, but somehow the adventure wasn't panning out quite the way we'd imagined.

[Shot of the car hood, and the guys through the windshield.]

NARRATOR: And the car was starting to smell.

[Shot past RANDY of PURDLE.]

PURDLE: Just ten more minutes, and I could have had any girl there.

RANDY: Just when did you loose touch with reality?

PURDLE: Did you see the way they were looking at me, huh?

[Shot past RICKY of KEVIN.]

RANDY [V/O]: They couldn't believe your shirt!

[KEVIN turns over his shoulder.]

KEVIN: You guys just can it for awhile!

[Shot past RANDY of PURDLE.]

PURDLE: What's eating you?

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: Nothing! I just can't believe I broke a date for this, that's all.

[KEVIN glances at RICKY off-screen.]

NARRATOR: Surely these guys could understand that.

[KEVIN looks forward, then over his shoulder.]

NARRATOR: After all...

[Shot of PURDLE putting food in his mouth, as RANDY watches him.]

NARRATOR: ...they were reasonably intelligent human beings.

[Close shot of RICKY frowning.]

RICKY: You guys ever wonder how onion rings got their name?

[Shot past RICKY of KEVIN. KEVIN glances at him and frowns.]

NARRATOR: On the other hand...

KEVIN: No!

[Shot past KEVIN of RICKY. RICKY smiles.]

RICKY: I mean I think about that stuff sometimes. And what about hamburgers.

[RICKY gestures and quickly glances toward the guys in back.]

RICKY: I mean, hamburgers don't have ham in them, ya know!

[Shot of PURDLE sipping his shake, and RANDY covering his eyes.]

RICKY [V/O]: What about submarine sandwiches -

[Shot of RICKY and KEVIN, as RICKY turns forward.]

RICKY: And eggplant!

[KEVIN frowns at RICKY.]

KEVIN: Just think about your driving.

[RICKY puts some food in his mouth, nods, and drives.]

[Shot of the street as RICKY approaches, slowing for a stop light.]

NARRATOR: Let's face it. On the main-street of life, we'd just about reached a dead-end.

[They pull next to the Mustang at the stop sign.]

NARRATOR: And then...

RANDY [V/O]: Hey, look!

[Shot past PURDLE of RANDY.]

RANDY: There's those guys!

[Shot past KEVIN of the driver and passenger glancing at them.]

RICKY [V/O]: Uh-oh!

[Shot of KEVIN and RICKY.]

RICKY: I hope they don't moon us again.

[RICKY frowns and shakes his head. He sticks his arm past KEVIN and waves his hand.]

RICKY: Hey! We don't want to see it!

[Shot past KEVIN of the driver and passenger looking at each other and laughing, as the driver revs the motor.]

NARRATOR: But it seemed there was more at stake here...

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY looking at the car off-screen.]

NARRATOR: ...than just pressed hams.

[Shot of KEVIN and RICKY.]

RICKY: Hey-hey, what does he want?

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY looking at the car, then RICKY off-screen.]

RANDY: He wants to drag.

[Shot of KEVIN and RICKY. RICKY looks forward and frowns.]

RICKY: Drag?

[Shot of the bumpers of both cars. The Mustang driver revs the motor, and inches up.]

[Close shot of RANDY leaning forward.]

[Close shot of RICKY turning over his shoulder as RANDY leans forward.]

RANDY: Do it, Ricky.

RICKY: But my mom said -

[RANDY gestures.]

RANDY: Come on, Ricky! Let's just do it!

[Shot from RANDY's side as he leans back then moves to Purdle's window and leaning out.]

RANDY: You're on!

[Shot of RANDY leaning past PURDLE, looking at the other car off-screen, then sitting back.]

[Shot of the Mustang driver and passenger glancing over, then back.]

NARRATOR: And that's when it happened.

[Shot of KEVIN and RICKY.]

NARRATOR: As we sat there, the roar of a hundred-and-eighty-five horsepower engine pulsing beneath our bodies...

[Shot of the front ends of both cars.]

[Very close shot of KEVIN looking forward blankly.]

NARRATOR: Our basic primal nature began to erupt.

[He turns to RICKY off-screen and smiles.]

KEVIN: Let's take 'em, Ricky.

[Very close shot of RICKY through through the windshield.]

RICKY: I'm there.

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling, and glancing over his shoulder.]

NARRATOR: We weren't boys anymore.

[Very close shot of PURDLE. He smiles and nods.]

NARRATOR: We were outlaws.

[Very close shot of RANDY.]

NARRATOR: Rebels.

[Very close shot of RICKY smiling slightly.]

NARRATOR: Guys with guts.

[Shot past KEVIN of the Mustang driver and passenger glancing over, looking forward. The camera shifts focus to KEVIN looking forward.]

NARRATOR: And we knew what we had to do.

[Shot from the side of the Mustang as it squeals off.]

[Shot of both cars as the Mustang zooms off, and RICKY pulls forward about six feet and stops.]

[Shot of the guys through the windshield. KEVIN frowns and looks at RICKY.]

KEVIN: What are you doing?!

RICKY: There's a stop sign! [Gestures.]

RANDY: Will you go? We can still take 'em!

[PURDLE looks out.]

RICKY: Hnhhh, but it's a commercial zone - thirty-five miles per hour. [Points.] Those guys were speeding!

[RANDY gestures.]

RANDY: Of course they were speeding! This is a drag-race!

[Shot from RICKY's perspective as the camera pans from one car to another at the intersection.]

NARRATOR: Fortunately our driver was a law-abiding citizen.

[Shot of the guys through the windshield.]

[Shot from Ricky's perspective as the camera pans to another car, then up to the stop-sign in front of Ricky's car.]

RICKY [V/O]: Four cars...four-way stop...

KEVIN: Will you guys just get real? [Nods.] This race is over!

[Shot of the guys through the windshield.]

RANDY: Yeah, thanks to Halsenbach. I don't even know why the hell we're hanging around with you!

RICKY: Hey...

[Shot from the side of RICKY, KEVIN and RANDY, as RICKY looks back over the seat at RANDY.]

RICKY: Cuz it's my car.

[RICKY turns forward.]

RANDY: Yeah! That's the only reason we'd be hangin' out with a bozo like you.

[RICKY turns around and points.]

RICKY: Hey! You're the bozo.

RANDY: I'm the bozo?

[RANDY points in RICKY's face.]

RANDY: You're the bozo...

RICKY: No, I'm not!

KEVIN: You're all bozos! [To RICKY] You're the biggest bozo of...

[They all continue to argue.]

KEVIN: You can't even drive!

[Shot of the car pulling away.]

[High shot of the car going down the street.]

NARRATOR: We were reaching critical-mass, here.

[Shot of the street as RICKY approaches and slows for a stop.]

NARRATOR: Our night was wearing thin.

[The guys are still arguing.]

NARRATOR: So was our vocabulary.

[The guys are still arguing, as they stop at a stop-sign.]

[Sound of a car horn.]

[Shot through the windshield of the guys as the pause and look forward.]

[Shot of the Mustang crossing the intersection.]

MUSTANG: Wussies!

[Shot of the guys through the windshield.]

NARRATOR: It was the final straw.

[RICKY frowns, KEVIN frowns and looks forward.]

NARRATOR: If we were going to hold on to our dignity, we had to strike back.

[Close shot of PURDLE.]

PURDLE: Let's...moon...somebody.

[Close shot of KEVIN in profile, looking forward. He smiles, and glances over his shoulder.]

[Sound of fanfare trumpet.]

KEVIN: Yeah. Good idea!

[Shot of PURDLE and RANDY looking at each other and smiling.]

RANDY: Perfect.

[Shot past KEVIN of RICKY.]

RICKY: Alright! [Nods.]

[Shot of KEVIN looking over his shoulder.]

NARRATOR: It was time for us to take our rightful place among men of the road.

[Shot of the guys through the windshield, as a car approaches behind them.]

NARRATOR: We were gonna take on the first victim that came our way.

[The approaching car moves over to the open lane.]

[Wide shot of Ricky's car, and the other car coming to a stop beside it.]

[Shot of KEVIN and RICKY, as KEVIN smiles and looks out the window. He looks surprised.]

RANDY [V/O]: Alright! Do it! Do it!

[Shot of JACK and NORMA in profile. NORMA is putting on make up. JACK is looking forward, then starts to glance at KEVIN.]

[Shot of KEVIN looking surprised.]

KEVIN: Whoa -

[KEVIN ducks down.]

NARRATOR: Just one little problem.

[Shot of the guys through the windshield. PURDLE turns his butt to the window and starts to drop his pants.]

PURDLE: Moon patrol!

[Shot of JACK and NORMA. JACK glances toward PURDLE off-screen.]

[The other guys laugh.]

[Shot of KEVIN slouched down in the seat.]

[Shot of JACK and NORMA. JACK looks forward, as NORMA looks over her shoulder. JACK glances back and frowns, then drives off.]

[Shot through the windshield as KEVIN sits up.]

RANDY [V/O]: Did ya see that guy's face?!

PURDLE [V/O]: Well, my eyes were looking in a different direction!

[Shot of JACK's car driving away in the distance.]

[Shot of the guys through the windshield.]

RANDY: Man, it looked like he was having a cow!

RICKY: And his wife was like "uhhuhhh". [Smiles.]

[KEVIN turn to the guys.]

KEVIN: Will you guys just shut up?!

PURDLE: What's your problem?

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: For starters, that was my mom and dad.

[KEVIN looks forward.]

[Close shot of RANDY.]

RANDY: It was?

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: Yeah. You guys just mooned my parents. [Frowns.]

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE.]

RANDY: You're kidding...

PURDLE: Hey, we all wanted to do it.

KEVIN: Yeah, but it was you who had your butt out hangin' out the window!

[Gestures.]

PURDLE: Oh, come on. Like how was I supposed to know?

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: See - this is great! Just great.

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE.]

KEVIN [V/O]: You know it's real great hangin' out with a bunch of morons!

[PURDLE flinches.]

[Shot past RICKY of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: Do you know where that word comes from, Ricky!

KEVIN: This is the stupidest...[gestures]...dumbest night of my life!

[Gestures.]

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE.]

KEVIN [V/O]: I mean, I don't even know why I agreed to come with you in the first place.

[Close shot of KEVIN.]

KEVIN: Can anyone tell me why?!

[Close shot of RICKY looking at KEVIN off-screen, then looking down.]

NARRATOR: It was the kind of question...

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE frowning.]

NARRATOR: ...that could only be answered by a Nobel prize-winning philosopher.

[Close shot of KEVIN sitting back and looking forward.]

RICKY [V/O]: I know...

[Close shot of RICKY in thought.]

NARRATOR: Or a guy like Ricky Halsenbach.

RICKY: It's because they're round - like rings! And they've got onions in them.

[Close shot of KEVIN turning toward RICKY off-screen.]

[Close shot of RICKY in thought.]

RICKY: That's why the call 'em onion rings!

[RICKY smiles and looks at KEVIN off-screen.]

[Shot of KEVIN frowning and looking over his shoulder.]

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE.]

RANDY: What?

PURDLE: What?

[They look at each other and smile.]

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling and glancing around.]

NARRATOR: Looking back...

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE smiling.]

NARRATOR: ...it made about as much sense as anything else that night.

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling and shaking his head.]

KEVIN: Can we just go home, guys?

[Shot of RANDY and PURDLE smiling.]

RANDY: Yeah. Let's get out of here.

[Close shot of KEVIN smiling glancing at the guys.]

NARRATOR: We were veterans. We'd paid our dues.

[Close shot of RICKY smiling and nodding as he tries to start the car.]

NARRATOR: We'd mooned, and been mooned...and now...

RICKY: Uh-oh.

[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]

KEVIN: What's the matter?

[Shot from KEVIN's perspective of RICKY. RICKY turns to KEVIN off-screen and frowns.]

RICKY: We're out of gas.

[Close shot of KEVIN as he looks over his shoulder.]

[Shot of the asphalt and shadows of the guys. The camera pans up as they push the car away from the camera.]

KEVIN: Can you guys believe tonight?

RANDY: The worst.

PURDLE: Yeah, no kidding.

[The guys continue to push the car.]

NARRATOR: We didn't really accomplish anything that night. Nothing of any real importance, anyway. But through the high school years that lay ahead...there would be a thousand other nights, just like that one. Stupid, ridiculous...and glorious.

RICKY: Hey! I can get the car again, next Friday...

KEVIN: I'm in.

PURDLE: Me, too.

RANDY: Wouldn't miss it.

["Little GTO" plays as the guys disappear into the dark area of the street.]

Fade to


CLOSING CREDITS

Supporting Cast

Purdle - Parker Jacobs
Randy - Michael Tricario
Ricky - Scott Nemes
Cindy - Heather McComb



[Thanks to Jeff Kindig for the opening scene :-]

If you have suggestions, additions, comments, please send a message to reynders@merck.de Peter.
 

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