The Wonder Years - Transcript

Episode 110: "Eclipse"

Written by Craig Hoffman
Transcribed by Peter Reynders

OPENING SEQUENCE

EXT. NIGHT. A SOLAR ECLIPSE.

[Shot of solar flares and corona during an eclipse of the sun.]

NARRATOR: On the afternoon of March 21, 1973, at exactly 2.15 p.m., a rare astronomical event occurred: a total eclipse of the sun. As the sun, the moon and the earth began to move in line...

[Picture flashes to white, with sound effect.]

NARRATOR: ... so did we.


EXT. DAY. BUS AREA AT SCHOOL.

[Shot zooms in from overhead, to next to MR. PLENITZER, who is checking students entering the bus.]

MR. PLENITZER [handing out leaflets]: Miss Corregliano(?), Mr. Godleave, Mr. Cashion, Miss Lackeroo, Miss Burke ...

MISS LACKEROO [to the student behind]: So I called him yesterday ...

MR. PLENITZER: Still lively, Miss Lackaroo? We need to be at the Nearman planetarium by noon. Mr. Gabler, Mr. ...

NARRATOR: A field trip.

[A football jock make “rabbit ears” behind MR. PLENITZER’s head.]

NARRATOR: It was a chance to bring education to the unwashed masses of the junior class.

MR. PLENITZER: Mr. Abramson ...

HARLAN ABRAMSON [eating, mumbling]: Present.

[HARLAN gestures with a Twinkie as he gets on bus.]

NARRATOR: Like Harlan Abramson, McKinley's living monument to polyunsaturated fats.

MR. PLENITZER [looking at a girl who smokes and looks lethargic]: Miss Genaro ...

NARRATOR: Or Mary Jo Genaro, senior year. She became the first girl with McKinley to take her parole officer to the prom.

[MR. PLENITZER takes the unlit cigarette out of MARY JO’s mouth.]

MR. PLENITZER: No smoking, Miss Genaro ...

MARY JO: What was I thinking!

MR. PLENITZER: Mr. Louis... [Louis has a lighter burning.]

NARRATOR: Louis Lanahan. When mankind discovered fire, they had not quite counted on Louis.

[LOUIS is playing with a lighter.]

MR. PLENITZER: Mr. Donlan, Miss Lowell. Alright, people, let's get moving.

[Louis lights the cigarette that MR. PLENITZER has still in his hands.]

MR. PLENITZER: We have a full day ahead of us.

[MR. PLENITZER turns around as Louis ducks under him onto the bus.]

[MR. PLENITZER scares himself with the now lit cigarette. He drops it and stomps it out.]

NARRATOR: And so did the cloud of smoke and the mighty Hi-ho, Silver! ...
(Remark by Kyle Gittins: "Mighty Hi-ho Silver" is a famous Lone Ranger quote)


EXT. DAY. CURVY ROAD.

[The bus climbs on a curvy road.]

NARRATOR: ...We were on the way to the Nearman planetarium. Thirty-four students and one teacher on the road to higher education.


EXT. DAY. IN THE BUS.

[The students beat each other up in the back of the bus.]

NARRATOR: Such as it was.

MR. PLENITZER: Okay, listen everybody. I must have your complete attention. Please! Gentlemen! Students! People!

[He gets no reaction from the students.]

[The bus driver slams on the brakes. He stands up and faces the students.]

BUS DRIVER: Hey, get shut up there. Turn the damn radio off.

[The students comply.]

BUS DRIVER [to MR. PLENITZER]: Animals.

[The bus driver sits down.]

MR. PLENITZER: Thank you.

[Shot of bus going along the road.]

NARRATOR: All in all it was the lead opportunity to exchange ideals outside the confines of the classroom.

[KEVIN sits at the window next to WINNIE. ALICE PEDERMIER and CHUCK COLEMAN are turned around in the seat in front of them.]

KEVIN: Truth or dare?

WINNIE: Truth.

NARRATOR: To expand the boundaries of higher education ...

KEVIN: Who is the best kisser you've ever kissed?

WINNIE: The best? That would be [Pause] you. [She smiles.]

NARRATOR: To go where no man had gone before.

CHUCK: Are you going to play for real or not?

KEVIN: We are! Well, I asked her an honest question and she gave me an honest answer. [He smiles.]

CHUCK: Right!

ALICE: I mean, no one is taking this seriously.

CHUCK: Yeah. You could really learn a lot from this game.

ALICE: Maybe that's they are afraid of. Right, Pooh Bear?

[CHUCK put his  arm around ALICE.]

CHUCK: Uh-huh..

WINNIE [to KEVIN]: Okay, truth or dare?

KEVIN: Truth.

ALICE: Make it a hard one.

WINNIE: Okay. If you had to change one thing about me, what would it be?

NARRATOR: Now, of course, moments like this had to be handled carefully.

KEVIN: I wouldn't change a thing.

WINNIE: Oh, come on, Kevin. There's gotta be something you want to change. You can tell me.

KEVIN: No. Nothing.

CHUCK [angrily]: Forget it. This is joke.

WINNIE: Come on, Kevin. You can tell me.

KEVIN: Well, I am! You're perfect. In fact, if I am absolutely forced to pick one thing, that would be it.

WINNIE [curiously]: What would?

KEVIN: Well, I'd have to say, if anything, sometimes you are too perfect.

[Doppler sound effect of honking car passing bus, as WINNIE’s expression sours.]

NARRATOR: Heh-heh!

WINNIE [hurt]: Too perfect?

[Shot of KEVIN.]

NARRATOR: Uh-oh!

[Shot of group of girls in conversation. SHEILA sits behind CINDY (window seat) and MARY JO.]

SHEILA: This field trip chews.

CINDY: I told you we should have cut today.

SHEILA: Oh, yuck! Look at that!

[Shot of HARLAN opening a “Ding-Dong”]

SHEILA: That Harlan kid is disgusting! What is he doing that for?

CINDY: Maybe, he is dieting.

[Both girls giggle.]

[Shot of HARLAN smelling the Ding-Dong.]

CINDY: So gross.

SHEILA: Can you imagine kissing him?

CINDY: No, not without barfing!

SHEILA: I wouldn't do it for a million dollars.

CINDY: I wouldn't do it for anything.

[MARY JO is scratching something on the seatback.]

MARY JO [suddenly]: I'd do it for thirty.

[Camera zooms in closer on MARY JO.  Twangy guitar music starts.]

NARRATOR: There you had it.

[Shot of HARLAN.]

NARRATOR: When the ordinary mortals saw nothing but a fat kid with a cupcake...

[Shot of MARY JO.]

NARRATOR: Mary Jo Genaro saw the challenge of a lifetime.

SHEILA: Twenty-five?

CINDY: Yeah, and you gonna need a hickey for proof.

SHEILA: Yeah. A big hickey.

MARY JO [sad]: You got it.          [Twangy guitar.]

[The camera goes back to Alice, Chuck, Winnie and Kevin.]

CHUCK: Come on, Pooky, we'll show them how it's done.

ALICE: Chucky, what's the one thing you would change about me? Honestly!

CHUCK: I guess you would have to be, uh... your voice.

ALICE [angrily, screaming, high pitch]: What do you mean? What's wrong with my voice?

CHUCK: Not your voice. Ah, your hair.

ALICE [angrily]: You don't like my hair?

CHUCK: No, I like it.

ALICE [angrily]: Oh, you ought to talk, Brillohead!

KEVIN: Come on, guys.

CHUCK: Pooky, this is just a game!

ALICE [yelling]: Fine. My turn. Truth or dare? I choose truth. Who is the weasiest, most disgusting, grossest thing that I have ever done in my whole entire life?

CHUCK [to KEVIN]: Maybe we should not play this anymore.

ALICE [yelling]: I've learned how you really feel about me.

[ALICE gets up.]

ALICE: Get out of my way!

CHUCK: Pooky?

[ALICE approaches LOUIS’ seat. He is reading a magazine about World War II.)

[ALICE stops. LOUIS looks up.]

ALICE: Move over, move!

[She takes the aisle seat. LOUIS returns to his magazine.]

ALICE: I’m so mad I could explode!

KEVIN [to Winnie]: Can you believe that? Getting upset about that stupid game?

WINNIE [coolly]: No, I can't imagine it.

NARRATOR: Okay.

KEVIN: Oh, come on, Winnie. You cannot be that mad... All I said was ...

WINNIE [angrily]: I heard what you said. In fact, I have heard you ... PERFECTLY!

NARRATOR: Alright, clearly it was time to put this fire out.

KEVIN: Winnie, I meant that as a good thing. I mean you are really a nice person. Well, I mean that as a good thing, too. You are like ... Mary Tyler Moore on TV. You know... perky.

[WINNIE nods, the situation seems to calm down.]

KEVIN: Winnie, you gotta admit you've always been kind of well-behaved. I mean, there are certain things you would never do.

WINNIE [steamed]: Like what?

NARRATOR: Hmm, skipping the obvious.

KEVIN: Well, like that for instance.

[KEVIN indicates a boy throwing spitwads at MR. PLENITZER and hitting him at his glasses. Sound effect of hitting and bouncing off.]

[WINNIE opens her purse and gets a piece of paper.]

KEVIN: That's not a bad thing, well, you ...

[WINNIE tears off a piece of paper and chews on it. KEVIN looks surprised.]

KEVIN: It's just, I mean, you don't have to do that. Winnie!

[WINNIE throws the spitwad and hits MR. PLENITZER hard at his cheek.]

MR. PLENITZER: Ah!

[MR. PLENITZER stands up.]

MR. PLENITZER: Okay, that does it.

WINNIE [to KEVIN]: You were saying?

MR. PLENITZER: Excuse me.

[MR. PLENITZER walks sternly up to WINNIE.]

MR. PLENITZER: Miss Cooper!

[MR. PLENITZER bends forward, and speaks in a softer voice.]

MR. PLENITZER: Miss Cooper, did you see who threw that spitwad?

WINNIE: Yes.

KEVIN: Winnie!

WINNIE: I did it.

[MR. PLENITZER laughs under his breath.]

MR. PLENITZER: I admire your reluctance to turn in your fellow students.

[WINNIE looks disappointed for not been taken serious.]

MR. PLENITZER: However...

[He stands up, turnsto the whole group and raises his voice]

MR. PLENITZER: I will not tolerate no more rowdy behavior on this bus!

[He goes back to his seat. Two boys are making farting sounds.]

[KEVIN looks at WINNIE.]

NARRATOR: And with that quantum leap forward in human dynamics...

[Shot of bus pulling into reststop.]

NARRATOR: ...we moved on to more pressing matters.

MR. PLENITZER [V/O]: Okay, people, we are making an emergency rest stop for Mr.Abramson who suffers from a nervous colon.

[Shot of students giggling.]

[Shot of MR. PLENITZER standing in front of HARLAN.]

MR. PLENITZER: But I must ask the rest of you to please remain in your seats until we reach the planetarium on schedule.

[Shot of KEVIN and WINNIE.]

NARRATOR: It was a thoroughly reasonable request. So, of course...

[Shot of bus door opening. Students unload.]

NARRATOR:  ... we ignored it.


EXT. DAY. AT THE REST STOP.

[Shot of CHUCK running after ALICE.]

CHUCK [yelling]: Alice, you have a beautiful voice! Like a nightingale.

ALICE [high pitch]: Shut up, ratface!

[ALICE folds her arms and keeps walking.]

CHUCK [angrily shaking his head, to himself]: I should have chosen dare.

[He trots of after ALICE.]

[Shot of WINNIE catching up to KEVIN.]

[WINNIE wears a red skirt, a blue sweater and holds her light brown purse with both hands. She imitates Mary Tyler Moore.]

WINNIE [mocking]: Excuse me, Mr. Grant, I must see how Rhode is doing. [Transcriber's remark: Lou Grant was character in Mary Tyler Moore.]

[KEVIN shakes his head in disbelief as WINNIE walks away, as Mary Tyler Moore.]

KEVIN: Great.

NARRATOR: It seems that there was something to be said for keeping higher education confined to the classroom...

[KEVIN enters the restroom. The door hits Louis, who drops a bunch of explosives.]

NARRATOR: ... because a little knowledge could be a dangerous thing.

KEVIN [to LOUIS, both are alone]: You dropped something.

[LOUIS picks up his stuff.]

NARRATOR: Enough cherry bombs and ash cans to take out an armory.

LOUIS [speaking with a lower-class accent]: This is something, aren't they? A guy in North Carolina keeps me supplied. See that baby?

[LOUIS hands KEVIN a cherry bomb.]

KEVIN [holding it]: Yeah, it's a ... great.

LOUIS: That's what they make. Beauty, ain't it?

NARRATOR: Great! I was stuck in the men's room with the mad bomber himself.

[KEVIN hands cherry bomb back to LOUIS.]

LOUIS: I got plans for this baby! Look, Arnold, you seem to be a trust-worthy kind of guy. Do you know what's gonna happen at exactly 2:15 today?

KEVIN: Yeah, there's going to be an eclipse.

LOUIS: Nanana, that's not all there gonna be. They got a toilet at the planetarium. The cherry bomb goes in and then ... tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, boom!

NARRATOR: Maybe he was in some sort of Gestalt therapy...

[The front door opens and CHUCK rushes in. LOUIS hids his bombs under his jacket. CHUCK is very nervous and upset.]

CHUCK: There is no use. She does not want to come out of the ladies' room.

LOUIS [calm, to Kevin]: Remember, Arnold, 2:15 sharp. Cover your ears.

[LOUIS leaves.]

CHUCK: Wait, I thought we are supposed to look at the eclipse ...

KEVIN: Forget it, Chuck.

[KEVIN washes his hands.]

CHUCK: What am I supposed to do? I should have played safe like you.

NARRATOR: Yeah, right.

[Suddenly one of the toilet doors opens and HARLAN comes out. He squeezes between KEVIN and CHUCK.]

HARLAN: Excuse me.

[Shot of HARLAN leaving restroom with toilet paper on his shoe. MARY JO waiting for him outside the door]

MARY JO: Harlan, right? Wanna Yodel?

[She offers him a cupcake.]

NARRATOR: Yodel-ay-ee-hoo.

[Shot of KEVIN at sink, the while door closes.]

CHUCK: I was just so confused. I mean there were so many things to chose from.

KEVIN [angrily]: Look, Chuck, I've got my own problems. Okay?

[He leaves CHUCK in the men's room.]

NARRATOR: The way I saw it in the doggy dog world of scientific exploration: There was every man for himself.

[Shot of CHUCK combing his hair with his hands in front of the mirror, looking at his curly hair while the bus honks.]

CHUCK: I don't think it looks like Brillo ...

[CHUCK tries to open the front door but it is jammed.]


EXT. DAY. IN THE BUS.

[Shot of MARY JO following HARLAN down aisle in bus.]

HARLAN: I think that was really nice of you.

MARY JO: I'm a very giving person.

[HARLAN takes a window seat in the middle of the bus.]

MARY JO: Mind if I share your seat?

[They sit.]

[A boy approaches MARY JO.]

BOY: Excuse me, but...

MARY JO: Go blow, Poindexter!

BOY:  OK.

[He walks away.]

[MARY JO offers some candy to HARLAN.]

MARY JO: How about some Good-N-Plenty?


INT. DAY. RESTROOM.

[Shot of CHUCK banging on restroom door.]

CHUCK: Somebody let me out! I’m going to miss the bus!


EXT. DAY. IN THE BUS.

[Shot of ALICE looking at KEVIN and WINNIE.]

ALICE [still yelling]: He better not try to sit here either. I don't want to have him anywhere near me.

NARRATOR: As things turned out, that would not be really a problem.

[Shot of bus pulling away.]

CHUCK (V/O): Let me out here! One, two, three ... Four! Hurry up!


EXT. DAY. PLANETARIUM PARKING LOT.

[The bus pulls up and stops.]

NARRATOR: And so in the spirit of intellectual discovery and personal enrichment, we finally reached our destination, the Nearman planetarium.

[Students unload behind MR. PLENITZER.]

MR. PLENITZER: And remember, we all meet on the lawn properly at two o'clock. If any of you need to use the restrooms, make sure you go before that.

[Shot of Louis stooping and covering the explosives with his long coat.]

LOUIS [low voice, to himself]: Check. Tick, tick, tick, boom ...

[Harlan and Mary Jo leave through the middle door of the bus.]

HARLAN: Think about this place, alright. We're going to see something new here.

MARY JO: You know it, pal.

NARRATOR: The stage was set.

MR. PLENITZER: People, let's stick together.

NARRATOR: The opponents were in their corners... [Winnie walks a half step behind Kevin.] The lines were drawn.

KEVIN: So, we wanna see ... [Winnie gives him a look and rushes away.]

ALICE [comes quickly from behind]: Have you seen Chuck anywhere?

KEVIN [angrily]: No!

ALICE: If you meet him, tell him I don't wanna see him.

KEVIN: Sure. Fine. I gotta go.

[KEVIN rushes off. ALICE watches him.]

ALICE: Men!

NARRATOR: All in all, it promised to be one heck of an eclipse.


EXT. DAY. ROADSIDE RESTSTOP.

NARRATOR: As for Chuck... [Twangy guitar.]

[CHUCK is climbing through the window of the men's room and runs to the road.]

NARRATOR: From now on, he was navigating by the seat of his feet.

CHUCK: Where is everybody?


INT. DAY. IN THE GREAT HALL OF THE PLANETARIUM

[Shot of planetarium ceiling. Camera pans down to show a large Foucault's pendulum.]

MR. PLENITZER [V/O]: So, you see the movement of the earth causes the pendulum to knock down another peg exactly every five minutes.

NARRATOR: So, with eager faces we entered the stimulating world of ... astronomy.

[Shot of some students chewing gum, others moving their heads and watching the pendulum with not much of an interest.]

MR. PLENITZER: Now, at precisely two o'clock we will meet on the front lawn and I will hand each of you a special viewing card.

[Close up shot of pendulum knocking over a peg.]

NARRATOR: With the eclipse of the century only an hour away things were really popping.

[Transcriber's note: The following scene in red was not shown in several reruns.]


INT. DAY. MUSEUM DISPLAY.

[Shot of exhibit sign: CAUTION: GUIDE MUST DEMONSTRATE.]

[Camera pulls back.]

[HARLAN and MARY JO are alone at a display window, facing away from camera.]

MARY JO: What is this, anyway?

HARLAN: It's an electrical step-transformer.

MARY JO: Pretty creepy looking.

HARLAN: Huh? Oh, no! It actually proves electricity is all around us.

[MARY JO takes a long, bored look at HARLAN.]

MARY JO: You don't say.

[MARY JO turns to look at her girlfriends, who are watching them. and makes a gagging gesture.]

[Girlfriends giggle.]

HARLAN: Electricity is at the heart of every chemical reaction.

MARY JO: How about we hang out together?

HARLAN: Really?

MARY JO: After all, ya'll are kinda cute.

[MARY JO takes HARLAN's hand.]

[Shot of both hands reaching out and touching the display button.]

[Shot of both of them as lightning bolts shoot in the display booth.]


INT. DAY. PLANETARIUM GIFT SHOP.

[KEVIN is looking at some merchandise.]

[WINNIE walks up,wearing a dark-blue baseball cap, and stands in front of KEVIN. She adjusts the hat.]

WINNIE [friendly]: So, what do you think?

KEVIN: Well, you know ...

WINNIE: I know. It's not me --whoever that is.

KEVIN: Look, I love the hat. Here, I can buy it for you.

WINNIE: Kevin, don't bother. I think I just ... wear it.

[WINNIE leaves the boutique with the hat on. KEVIN looks at the saleslady.]

NARRATOR: Just one little problem here.

KEVIN: Oh God.

SALESLADY: May I help you with something?

KEVIN: No, we were ...

NARRATOR: Let's see.

KEVIN: I ... I was ... just, uh ...

NARRATOR: Let's call it ...

KEVIN: Never mind. [He rushes out after WINNIE.]

NARRATOR: ... shoplifting.


EXT. DAY. IN FRONT OF THE PLANETARIUM

[Shot of WINNIE opening outside door. KEVIN is right behind her. WINNIE sighs.]

KEVIN: Winnie, are you crazy?

WINNIE: I don't know. Maybe.

KEVIN: Ya, well, don't do it again! Next time you might get caught.

WINNIE: I won't worry about it, Kevin. Besides it is your turn!

KEVIN: My turn?

WINNIE: Ya, you don't know, I think about it. You're  pretty well-behaved yourself.

KEVIN: Oh, get out of here!

WINNIE [clearly mocking]: You are nice. You are sweet. And to tell you the truth: Well, I have always admired you. Beaver Cleaver.

[WINNIE giggles.]

NARRATOR: Ouch.

KEVIN: Get out of here! I do not.

[They stop walking.]

WINNIE: Kevin, you know, you talk a good game. But I don't see you doing anything.

KEVIN: Fun. Should we go shoplifting something??

WINNIE: I've already got a hat. But I'm sure you could think of something - Theodore.

[WINNIE turns to walk away.]

WINNIE: Bye! [Twangy guitar.]


EXT. DAY. ROADSIDE.

[CHUCK sees a truck carrying chickens coming up the road in distance. He waves and jumps around.] [Twangy guitar.]

CHUCK: Hey, hey, give me a ride.

[The truck stops. CHUCK trots up and gets in.]

CHUCK: Man, thanks for the ride. You won't believe this but you probably saved my ... [End music.]

[CHUCK pauses as camera pans to driver. He looks like Charles Manson.]

DRIVER: Don't mention.

[Shot of truck driving off.]


INT. DAY. PLANETARIUM DISPLAY.

[MARY JO stands on a scale labeled: YOUR WEIGHT ON JUPITER. HARLAN is behind her.]

NARRATOR: Let's face it. This eclipse was beginning to affect everybody.

MARY JO: 290 pounds? Now I'm the big load.

[MARY JO looks at HARLAN.]

MARY JO: Oh, I'm sorry.

HARLAN: It's okay, Mary Jo. That's an unusual name, isn't it?

MARY JO: Like you should talk, Harlan.

HARLAN [hit]: Oh, no, I meant it's pretty --like you.

MARY JO: Oh, it's short.

HARLAN: Hmm?

MARY JO [embarrassed]: Mary Josephine.

[She looks at the display and smiles.]

MARY JO: Oh, I bet I weigh a ton on Mars.

MR. PLENITZER: Attention, everybody. It is time to assemble. I want you to follow me to the front lawn.OK, right this way.  [He leads the students out; they follow him.]

NARRATOR: No doubt about it. As the moon's orbit drew closer to the sun, there was more going on here than simple physics..

[MARY JO takes HARLAN's hand and leads him out.]

MARY JO: Come on, let's get out of here.

HARLAN: Oh, yeah. I don't want to miss this eclipse.

MARY JO: Trust me. You won't miss it at all.

[Shot of TV display. A Saturn rocket blasts off the launch pad.]


INT. DAY. SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE PLANETARIUM

[KEVIN and LOUIS are walking around, inside the building.]

NARRATOR: Meanwhile I was on a mission of my own.

LOUIS: Forget it, Arnold. I work solo. It's a lot cleaner that way.

KEVIN: Let me do something. I mean you can really help me out with my girlfriend. See, she has this crazy idea.

LOUIS: Okay, okay. Maybe you can be like a lookout.

[LOUIS looks at his watch.]

KEVIN: Great.

LOUIS: When I get to flush.

KEVIN: You got it.

LOUIS: Okay, let's rock n' roll.

[Sound of clucking chickens.]


EXT. DAY. IN THE CHICKEN TRUCK

[Shot of truck on road.]

CHUCK [nervously]: I tell you, we are probably getting pretty close to the planetarium. [Pause] Thanks for picking me up. [CHUCK giggles. Pause] You know what I'm thinking about. You know that Alfred Hitchcock episode, this guy is picking up all these hitchhikers. He's got this big butcher knife and he k... [Dramatic music starts.]

CHUCK: Never mind. You probably didn't see the episode, did you?

DRIVER: Twenty-seven times. [DRIVER smiles.]

[CHUCK blinks, jumps out of the running car and rolls down a slope.]

[Sound of a buzzard.]


EXT. DAY. FRONT LAWN OF THE PLANETARIUM.

[MR. PLENITZER is handing out white cards to students.]

MR. PLENITZER: Remember, don't look directly at the sun! Look at your cards.

NARRATOR: And so with the great event just moments away. Meanwhile I was on a mission of my own.

MR. PLENITZER: We are also lucky to be here. This is the best viewing spot in the entire state!


INT. DAY. MEN'S ROOM OF THE PLANETARIUM.

[Shot of empty stall.]

LOUIS (V/O): Here we are, Arnold.

NARRATOR: Final preparations were being made.

[Shot of KEVIN and LOUIS.]

LOUIS: Ground zero. Isn't that beautiful? [Gestures.]

NARRATOR: One little thing: This wasn't just shoplifting!

KEVIN: Look, Louis, may be that isn't such a good idea.

NARRATOR: This was ten to twenty in the State Pen.

LOUIS: What's the matter, Arnold? Are you chicken?

KEVIN: No, just the whole place can blow up or something ...

[LOUIS playing with a fuse and a lighter]

LOUIS: Yeah, it's a risk.

NARRATOR: That was one way to put it.

KEVIN: Lou, let's forget about it.

[LOUIS imitates chicken noises and lights the fuse.]

[The door bursts open and a security officer enters.]

LOUIS: Uh-oh!

NARRATOR: Was I looking to bail on this whole thing?

[LOUIS throws the bomb to KEVIN who throws it back. LOUIS then throws it into the toilet.]

KEVIN: No, don't!!

[LOUIS flushes the bomb down the toilet.]

NARRATOR: I was a tad too late.

[LOUIS rams the security guard and runs out.]

SECURITY GUARD [runs after LOUIS]: Hey, come back here!

NARRATOR: And realistically speaking, there was only one thing left to do.

[Shot of smoking toilet.]

KEVIN: Oh my God!

[KEVIN runs out to the hallway.]


EXT. DAY. FRONT LAWN OF THE PLANETARIUM.

[MR. PLENITZER is looking at his watch.]

MR. PLENITZER: Okay, here it comes. We're going to achieve totality in 20, 19, 18, 17 ...

[HARLAN comes out of the bushes somewhat dazed, followed by MARY JO looking equally dazed.]

CINDY [to SHEILA]: Oh my God, look at that hickey.

[KEVIN runs down the hallway to the exit.]

MR. PLENITZER: ... 10, 9 ...

[CHUCK comes out of the bushes.]

CHUCK: Alice! Pooky!

[ALICE turns around.]

CHUCK: I made it!

[KEVIN comes out of the planetarium.]

MR. PLENITZER: ... 4, 3, 2, 1 ...

[A big blast is heard, and the camera jiggles. The total eclipse suddenly darkens the scene. Kids scream and scatter.)

[Shot of LOUIS in the middle of a panicking crowd.]

LOUIS: Top of the world, Ma.

MR. PLENITZER [left alone on the lawn, reading from a book, yelling, totally absent minded]: There it is. Isn't science beautiful?

[Sounds of crickets.]

[MR. PLENITZER looks around and sees no one.]

MR. PLENITZER: Hello?


EXT. DAY. PLANETARIUM PARKING LOT.

[Shot from inside bus of two security guards leading. They cross the place.]

NARRATOR: I guess you can say that the laws of nature aren't always predictable.

[Shot of MR. PLENITZER standing inside bus, shaking his head and talking to students.]

MR. PLENITZER: Well, not only did you all miss one of the great natural events of the century. But the planetarium, I am shamed to tell you, has now decided to ban any future field trips from McKinley High School.

[KEVIN and WINNIE are sitting together and looking at each other. She is wearing the blue cap.]

NARRATOR: Still, when it came to matters of cause and effect ...

MR. PLENITZER: I hope that you're all very proud of yourselves.

NARRATOR: ... I think we have managed to learn a thing or two. [MR. PLENITZER takes his front seat.] Perhaps that day, despite all the chaos, there really were cosmic forces at work ...

[HARLAN smiles at MARY JO. SHEILA sits behind her and CINDY aside her on the window seat.]

SHEILA: I can't believe you gave him a hickey.

CINDY: That must have been the longest thirty seconds of your life.

[SHEILA and CINDY giggle.]

MARY JO: Shut your face, Cin.

[MARY JO looks at HARLAN.]

[HARLAN rubs his neck.]

NARRATOR: Forces so powerful, so profound, they defied all our attempts of rational explanation.

[Shot of the girls. MARY JO is smiling at HARLAN.]

CHUCK [to ALICE]: And then, finally, I jumped out of the truck and I ran all the way to the planetarium so that I could see y ...

ALICE: Chuck! Instead of making up all these idiotic stories, just be a man for once and say that you are sorry.

CHUCK: But I ... I mean I did.

[ALICE shakes her head.]

CHUCK: I am sorry, Pooky.

ALICE: I forgive you, Pooh Bear.

[They smile and hug.]

NARRATOR: I mean, hey, it has taken only 5000 years to understand the moon ...

KEVIN: Winnie?

NARRATOR: So, may be, we were making progress ...

KEVIN: About today ...

WINNIE: Kevin, I paid for the hat.

KEVIN: I knew that.
  [They smile at each other. Kevin puts his left arm around her shoulders.] [Music plays The Grateful Dead: "Truckin'"] [Shot of the bus going down the road.]

NARRATOR: Then when it came down to it, may be, we learned enough for one day.


Please mail to reynders@merck.de Peter if you find any errors, or if you have any comments or suggestions. Thanks to Kyle Gittins for the additions and corrections.

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