NARRATOR: One thing a kid learns growing up, is that life...
[Wide shot up the slide, as KEVIN sits at the top.]
NARRATOR: ...is a series of risks.
[The camera zooms in on KEVIN. He hesitates.]
[Shot of NORMA and KEVIN, as KEVIN climbs the jungle-gym.]
NARRATOR: It's a cause-and-effect relationship. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
[NORMA spins KEVIN on the merry-go-round, and he jumps off.]
NARRATOR: Still, with the proper guidance, we learn to deal with the risks.
[Shot of the slide as KEVIN comes down, with his arms up.]
NARRATOR: And pretty soon, we set out into the world...
[Shot of NORMA at the bottom of the slide, holding her arms out.]
NARRATOR: Sure in our options, confident of our choices.
[NORMA lets KEVIN whiz by. He runs off, and she laughs and claps.]
NARRATOR: Until, that is...
[Bell rings.]
Cut to
MR. GLAVIN: "Metamorphosis". Is it "A" - transformation, "B" - integration, "C" - resurrection, or "D" - none of the above?
[Shot from the front of the class of the students.]
NARRATOR: Eleventh-grade. The year of decisions.
[Shot from the back of the class of MR. GLAVIN standing near his desk, and gesturing.]
MR. GLAVIN: Anyone?
[Three students raise a hand.]
MR. GLAVIN: Yes.
[Close shot of RANDY. He drops his arm.]
RANDY: "B".
[Close shot of MR. GLAVIN frowning.]
[Close shot of RANDY.]
RANDY: "C" - "D"!
[Shot from behind KEVIN of MR. GLAVIN gesturing.]
MR. GLAVIN: "A"!
NARRATOR: Around the middle of junior year...
[Close shot of RANDY looking down and mouthing "A".]
NARRATOR: ...the risks increase.
[Shot of KEVIN, and JEFF next to him.]
JEFF: I knew that.
NARRATOR: Almost overnight, the choices get harder.
[Wide shot from behind MR. GLAVIN of the class. He picks up a book, and sits on the edge of his desk.]
NARRATOR: One guess why.
MR. GLAVIN: English comprehension.
[Close shot of MR. GLAVIN holding up a book.]
MR. GLAVIN: I suggest you learn this, class. It's bound to show up on you SAT's.
[Close shot of KEVIN looking concerned.]
NARRATOR: The scholastic aptitude test.
[KEVIN glances toward PAUL off-screen.]
[Close shot of PAUL looking concerned.]
NARRATOR: The living nightmare of American adolescents.
[Close shot of MR. GLAVIN pointing over his shoulder.]
MR. GLAVIN: Alright, next word. "Pyrotechnic".
[He sighs and frowns.]
MR. GLAVIN: Mr. Pfeiffer.
[Close shot of PAUL looking up concerned.]
MR. GLAVIN [V/O]: Would you like to take a crack at this one?
[PAUL glances at the board.]
PAUL: Uh...
NARRATOR: Like some kind of biblical curse...
[PAUL glances off.]
NARRATOR: ...the SATs had descended on our class...
[Shot past KEVIN of PAUL. PAUL looks at KEVIN worriedly.]
[Shot past PAUL of KEVIN. KEVIN nods toward the board.]
NARRATOR: ...reducing even the most-intelligent among us to a state of...
[Close shot of PAUL.]
NARRATOR: ...flop-sweats.
PAUL: "B"!
[Close shot of MR. GLAVIN.]
MR. GLAVIN: "D"!
[Shot of KEVIN and JEFF. JEFF is doodling.]
JEFF: I knew that.
KEVIN: Yeah, right.
JEFF: I did.
MR. GLAVIN [V/O]: In that case, Mr. Billings...
[Shot past KEVIN of MR. GLAVIN sitting on the edge of his desk. He gestures behind him toward the board.]
MR. GLAVIN: "Hirsute".
[Shot of KEVIN smiling and looking toward JEFF.]
MR. GLAVIN [V/O]: Can you fill us in?
[Close shot of JEFF.]
[Close shot of the board and the list of words.]
JEFF [V/O]: Hirsute.
[Close shot of JEFF.]
JEFF: Uh...
NARRATOR: It was grim.
[Close shot of KEVIN looking at JEFF off-screen.]
NARRATOR: After sixteen years of hard learning...
[Shot past KEVIN of JEFF. KEVIN smiles, JEFF is blank.]
NARRATOR: ...our educational futures had suddenly been pinned down to four choices...
[Close shot of JEFF.]
JEFF: Uh...
[Close shot of the board and the word "hirsute", and choice "A" - "sour".]
NARRATOR: "A"...
[The camera pans down to the next choice - "hairy".]
NARRATOR: "B"...
[The camera pans down to the next choice - "woolen".]
NARRATOR: "C"...
[The camera pans down to the next choice - "none of the above".]
NARRATOR: And of course...
Cut to
WOMAN: Pudding, or Jell-O?
[Shot past the woman of JEFF and KEVIN in line.]
KEVIN: Ah, we'll go with the pudding.
JEFF: Hirsute! [Gestures.] Who-who in the world knows what hirsute means?
[Close shot of the woman looking up.]
WOMAN: Hairy!
[Shot of JEFF and KEVIN.]
JEFF: Oh, great.
[JEFF heads off.]
NARRATOR: The truth was, potential failure loomed at every turn.
[KEVIN hesitates.]
[Close shot of the woman folding her arms.]
WOMAN: Next.
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning and walking off.]
NARRATOR: Not that it was worth losing sleep over.
Cut to
CHUCK: I haven't slept in two nights! I don't know what it is - I just keep tossing and turning.
[Shot of CHUCK, JEFF and KEVIN seated at a table.]
JEFF: I just wish it was over, ya know?
CHUCK: I wish I were dead.
NARRATOR: It was clear each of us was dealing with this in our own way. For me...
[KEVIN frowns and gestures.]
KEVIN: Come on - what are you both so worried about?
NARRATOR: ...it was denial.
[PAUL approaches.]
KEVIN: I mean, it's just a stupid aptitude test, right?
[Close shot of CHUCK glancing at PAUL off-screen.]
CHUCK: Maybe he's right.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Course I'm right.
PAUL [V/O]: Are you nuts?
[Close shot of PAUL.]
PAUL: This test could determine our entire future.
[Close shot of KEVIN chewing, then pausing.]
KEVIN: What's that supposed to mean? [Frowns.]
[Close shot of PAUL.]
PAUL: Well, it means...you have to score fourteen-hundred this year, to even be considered by the Ivy Leagues.
[Close shot of JEFF glancing from PAUL to KEVIN.]
PAUL [V/O]: And what college you go to...
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
PAUL [V/O]: Determines what grad school you go to...
PAUL: Which determines what kind of job you get...
[Close shot of CHUCK frowning.]
PAUL [V/O]: And what contacts you're gonna make...and-and who your friends are gonna be...
[Close shot of PAUL.]
PAUL: And what type of house you're gonna live in...and what the rest of your life could be like.
[Shot past PAUL of KEVIN, as PAUL sits down.]
[Close shot of JEFF.]
JEFF: Are you sure you didn't leave anything else out, Paul?
[Close shot of PAUL.]
PAUL: Yeah, you got some pudding on your pants.
[Wide shot of the four of them at the table. JEFF wipes his pants with a napkin.]
NARRATOR: Pudding on our pants... metaphors we couldn't mix...
Cut to
NARRATOR: Seemed like the stress was getting to us all...
[JACK slaps it down on the kitchen table.]
NARRATOR: My dad included.
[Close shot of KEVIN walking past the table, and JACK seated at one end.]
JACK: "Competent"? What the hell does "competent" mean?
[Close shot of NORMA in the kitchen.]
NORMA: Probably means you did a good job, Jack.
[Shot past NORMA of JACK and KEVIN. KEVIN is setting the table.]
NARRATOR: For my father, the crisis was his annual evaluation from NORCOM.
[JACK and KEVIN pause, and look at NORMA. JACK sighs.]
JACK: You know how many weekends I put in there? You know how hard I worked?! I don't believe this!
[JACK tosses the review into his briefcase. NORMA walks over to him.]
NARRATOR: Which isn't to say the old man wasn't graceful at taking constructive criticism.
[NORMA picks up the review.]
[Shot of NORMA and JACK.]
NORMA: Now, look, hon-ey! There's "excellent" right here! [Points.]
JACK: Yeah. For "demeanor and appearance".
[JACK takes the review.]
JACK: Means the guy liked my haircut.
[JACK frowns, and tosses the review into his briefcase.]
[Wide shot of the table as KEVIN continues to set it, and NORMA returns to the kitchen.]
NORMA: Honey, they probably didn't even give it much thought - you know how much the appreciate you there!
JACK: The hell they do.
[Shot past JACK of KEVIN, glancing around, then continuing to set the table.]
NARRATOR: Still, in my own way, I kinda...sympathized with the guy.
[KEVIN pauses and looks at JACK.]
[Close shot of JACK looking blankly at KEVIN off-screen.]
[Shot past JACK of KEVIN. He holds up a spoon.]
KEVIN: Spoon?
[Shot of NORMA at the sink, and KEVIN and JACK in the background.]
[JACK takes the spoon and slaps it down. KEVIN continues to set the table.]
NARRATOR: After all, this was really none of my business. This was Dad, the great provider - the man with the plan.
JACK: Charlie Barratt got a...bad evaluation, too.
NORMA: Jack, you did not get a bad evaluation!
[Close shot of JACK looking off.]
JACK: Yeah, well...
[JACK looks at NORMA off-screen.]
JACK: He decided to leave NORCOM.
[Close shot of NORMA.]
NORMA: Charlie?
[Close shot of KEVIN pausing, and looking at NORMA off-screen.]
NORMA [V/O]: You're kidding?
JACK [V/O]: Nope.
[Close shot of JACK.]
JACK: He knows this guy who owns a small, uh, furniture factory - he wants to retire...He's gonna buy him out. I don't know...[looks down]...maybe he's got the right idea.
[Close shot of NORMA looking slightly concerned.]
NARRATOR: But if Dad was looking for advice...
[Close shot of KEVIN glancing at JACK off-screen.]
NARRATOR: He was pretty much on his own.
[Shot of JACK looking at the review, and sighing.]
JACK: Twenty years at NORCOM, Norma. What have I been doin' with my life?
[Close shot of NORMA looking at JACK off-screen.]
["Stuck In the Middle With You" by Steelers Wheel starts.]
NARRATOR: Face it. When it came to philosophy...
[NORMA turns back to the sink.]
[Close shot of KEVIN looking at NORMA off-screen.]
NARRATOR: ...my family had one golden rule -...
Cut to
NARRATOR: ...it was every man for himself.
[Shot of WINNIE and KEVIN through the windshield. The radio is playing.]
WINNIE: Kevin, I'm worried. [Frowns.]
KEVIN: About what? [Frowns.]
WINNIE: The SAT's.
KEVIN: Oh, no - not you, too.
[Shot from WINNIE's side. WINNIE looks forward.]
NARRATOR: It was bad enough having to face this in the cafeteria. But not in the front seat of a hot car.
KEVIN: Winnie, it'll be fine.
[Shot from KEVIN's side. WINNIE frowns.]
WINNIE: You really think so?
KEVIN: Yeah. [Nods.]
WINNIE: Maybe you're right. [Smiles.]
[They move in and kiss, then WINNIE pulls away.]
WINNIE: Except, what happens after the test?
KEVIN: What?!
WINNIE: Well, the SAT's are just the beginning. I mean, after that, we graduate and go to college.
[Closer shot past KEVIN of WINNIE frowning.]
WINNIE: What if we end up at different schools?
[WINNIE shakes her head.]
WINNIE: And, what if we're thousands of miles apart? What if we never see each other anymore?
[KEVIN looks off, then back.]
NARRATOR: Jeez. Now my girlfriend was turning into Paul Pfeiffer.
KEVIN: Well...[sighs]...Winnie, that's over a year away. Do we...do we have to worry about it now?
[WINNIE swallows and looks off, concerned.]
WINNIE: Of course we don't.
[They move in to kiss.]
WINNIE: I mean, we'll still see each other at Christmas, right?
[WINNIE smiles. KEVIN looks off. WINNIE rests her head on KEVIN's shoulder.]
NARRATOR: It was awful. This one crummy test was poisoning my life. Plaguing my future. So there was only one way to fight back.
[Music ends.]
Cut to
NORMA: I'll have pralines and cream, please.
[NORMA smiles and stands up. KEVIN and JACK are behind her.]
NARRATOR: Go for ice cream with the folks.
[Shot of the front door as CHARLIE BARRATT enters.]
NARRATOR: Yeah, this was some fun.
CHARLIE: Jack! Norma!
[Shot from behind the counter of all four.]
JACK: Heh, Charlie - what are you doin' here?
CHARLIE: Well, I-I just stopped by to get the family some ice cream...to, uh, you know - celebrate.
[JACK smiles and laughs softly.]
[Shot past KEVIN of CHARLIE, standing with his hands in his pockets.]
NARRATOR: Charlie Barratt. I hadn't seen him since I was -
[CHARLIE frowns.]
CHARLIE: Kevin? [Gestures.] I-I...I haven't seen you since you were six.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
CHARLIE [V/O]: What grade are you in now?
KEVIN: Eleventh. [Smiles.]
CHARLIE [V/O]: So, uh...
[Close shot of CHARLIE holding his chin, then gesturing.]
CHARLIE: Next year you'll be in...hmmm, twelfth!
NARRATOR: Yep - you couldn't get anything past this guy!
[Shot of NORMA, KEVIN and JACK. KEVIN smile and NORMA and JACK look at him.]
NORMA: Kevin's taking his SAT's next week.
[NORMA puts her arm around KEVIN's shoulders and smiles.]
[Close shot of CHARLIE.]
CHARLIE: Whoa! Hmmm - SAT's...Good luck, pal!
[KEVIN sighs and looks off.]
NARRATOR: Yeah - same to you.
CHARLIE [V/O]: Uh, let me have a pint of, uh...
[CHARLIE looks toward the server off-screen.]
CHARLIE: Strawberry - nah-nah-nah, make it a quart.
[CHARLIE looks at JACK.]
CHARLIE: Might as well live on the edge a little.
[Shot past CHARLIE of KEVIN.]
CHARLIE [V/O]: Right?
[Close shot of NORMA.]
NORMA: Yes, Jack told me about your leaving NORCOM and all your plans, it... must be very exciting. [Smiles.]
[JACK moves away and leans on the display glass.]
CHARLIE [V/O]: Exciting?! Hell, Norma...
[JACK frowns.]
[Shot past JACK of CHARLIE and NORMA.]
CHARLIE: This is long overdue...[taps JACK]...Right, Jack?
[Close shot of JACK turning, and smiling.]
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning, and looking toward JACK off-screen.]
NARRATOR: And there was something about that pat on the arm that said -
[Shot of CHARLIE smiling, with his arms folded.]
CHARLIE: So - Norma...what do you think about Jack and me going into business together?
[Close shot of KEVIN glancing toward NORMA off-screen.]
[Close shot of NORMA looking at CHARLIE, stunned.]
NORMA: I...
[She turns toward JACK.]
NORMA: Beg your pardon?
JACK [V/O]: Uh...
[Shot past NORMA of JACK, looking past NORMA toward CHARLIE off-screen.]
JACK: Actually, we haven't talked about it yet.
[JACK looks at NORMA.]
[Shot past JACK of NORMA looking at him, then CHARLIE off-screen.]
CHARLIE [V/O]: Oh, I see...uh, Norma...
[Close shot of CHARLIE.]
CHARLIE: Jack and I just had a couple discussions about...[frowns and shakes head]...maybe buying this little factory.
[Shot past NORMA of JACK as he sighs.]
CHARLIE [V/O]: But, ya know, it's not really -
JACK: We're meeting with the owner's tomorrow.
[Close shot of NORMA. She is taken aback.]
NORMA: I see.
[NORMA glances at CHARLIE, then looks at JACK and nods.]
[Close shot of JACK looking down.]
CHARLIE [V/O]: Yeah, well, anyway...
[Close shot of CHARLIE. He takes his package of ice cream.]
CHARLIE: I better get moving, uh, I'll - I'll see you tomorrow, Jack.
[Shot from behind the counter of all four.]
CHARLIE: Around three o'clock?
JACK: Alright.
CHARLIE: See ya there.
[CHARLIE exits.]
NARRATOR: Unfortunately, my mother's concern didn't disappear as easily as Charlie had.
[Close shot of NORMA as she shrugs and shakes her head.]
NORMA: Why didn't you tell me about this, Jack?
[Shot of NORMA and JACK, and KEVIN standing next to NORMA.]
JACK: Uh...
[JACK pauses, then looks toward the server.]
[Shot of JACK, and the server in the background who is leaning on the display, looking at him. The server looks away.]
[Shot of NORMA and JACK, and KEVIN standing next to NORMA. JACK hands an ice cream cone to NORMA.]
JACK: Maybe we ought to talk about it at home, OK? Kevin?
[JACK hands two ice cream cones to KEVIN.]
JACK: I'll...[points]...get the car.
[JACK exits past the camera. NORMA and KEVIN look after him.]
NARRATOR: And suddenly, I had the feeling something big was going on here.
[Shot past the server of NORMA and KEVIN looking after JACK.]
NARRATOR: For Mom, for Dad, for the whole family...and whatever it was...
SERVER: Hey, good luck with the SAT's.
[Shot past KEVIN of the server.]
SERVER: I hear they're a real killer. [Winks and nods.]
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]
NARRATOR: This time...
KEVIN: Thanks. [Nods.]
NARRATOR: ...I knew the answers weren't going to be easy.
Fade to
MR. GLAVIN: ...is to...?
NARRATOR: As the SAT's loomed closer...
[Shot from the front of the classroom as Mr. Galvin pauses.]
NARRATOR: ...our brains loomed smaller.
MR GLAVIN: Come on - concentrate!
[Close shot of KEVIN looking off.]
MR. GLAVIN [V/O]: Anyone? Mr. Coleman...
[Close shot of CHUCK looking up nervously, as MR. GLAVIN approaches him.]
CHUCK: Yes?
[Shot past CHUCK of MR. GLAVIN. He points to the board, and gestures.]
MR. GLAVIN: Harassment is to intimidation as compliment is to...[gestures.]
NARRATOR: Panic had officially descended upon my class.
[Shot of CHUCK hurriedly closing his notebook.]
CHUCK: I have to go to the bathroom.
[CHUCK rushes off.]
[Shot from the back of the room as students giggle, and MR. GLAVIN looks after CHUCK.]
NARRATOR: But no matter where we ran for comfort...
[MR. GLAVIN turns, gestures, and smiles.]
MR. GLAVIN: Anybody else?
[MR. GLAVIN glances around the walks forward.]
NARRATOR: ...there was no escape. It was getting harder and harder to deny what was going on.
[Shot past KEVIN as MR. GLAVIN pauses next to him.]
MR. GLAVIN: Mr. Arnold.
[Shot past MR. GLAVIN of KEVIN looking up.]
MR. GLAVIN: How about you?
[KEVIN smiles, then looks toward the board.]
KEVIN: Uh...
NARRATOR: At times like this, there was only one thing to do.
[KEVIN fingers his pencil and looks at MR. GLAVIN.]
KEVIN: "B"?
NARRATOR: Take a risk.
[Shot past KEVIN of MR. GLAVIN.]
MR. GLAVIN: Ah...very good!
[MR. GLAVIN walks away.]
[Shot past MR. GLAVIN of KEVIN smiling, as MR. GLAVIN walks out of the shot.]
MR. GLAVIN [V/O]: Would you like to tell the class how you arrived at this answer?
KEVIN: Phhh...I guessed. [Smiles.]
[The class giggles.]
[Close shot of MR. GLAVIN as he turns around.]
MR. GLAVIN: Well, you were wrong. [Smiles.]
[Shot of KEVIN and JEFF.]
JEFF: I knew that.
MR. GLAVIN [V/O]: Alright, let's, uh...
[Shot past students of MR. GLAVIN.]
MR. GLAVIN: Start with another one - uh, annoy is to irate...as...
[Close shot of KEVIN glancing around.]
NARRATOR: One thing was clear - it was time do buckle down and dive in. After all...
Cut to
NARRATOR: ...that's what my dad was doing.
[JACK spreads his arms.]
JACK: How do I look?
[NORMA turns and looks at JACK.]
NORMA: You look very handsome.
JACK: I'll bet you never thought you'd see me in the furniture business, huh?
NARRATOR: After twenty-four hours of constant negotiations...
[Close shot of NORMA as she fixes JACK's tie, and smiles.]
NARRATOR: ...Mom had finally accepted Dad's plan.
[Shot past NORMA as JACK smiles.]
NORMA: There ya go.
NARRATOR: Not that she was completely happy about it.
[Close shot of NORMA.]
NORMA: I just hope it all works out. [Nods.]
[Close shot of JACK.]
JACK: You know, Norma, I'm a lot more than competent. [Nods.]
[Shot of KEVIN watching JACK and NORMA.]
[Shot from behind KEVIN of JACK and NORMA.]
NORMA: I know that, honey. Good luck.
[NORMA pats JACK's cheek. They kiss. JACK smiles, takes his briefcase, and points at KEVIN.]
JACK: Seeya!
[Shot of KEVIN smiling as JACK exits.]
NARRATOR: And there you had it.
[Sound of vegetables being chopped.]
NARRATOR: As my father set out to become a one-man industry...
[KEVIN looks toward NORMA off-screen.]
[Shot past KEVIN of NORMA chopping on the cutting board, and looking out the window after JACK.]
NARRATOR: ...my mother became a one-women vegamatic.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Mom - I'm tryin' to study.
[Close shot of NORMA turning toward KEVIN.]
NORMA: Hmmm?
KEVIN [V/O]: Could you keep it down a little?
NORMA: Oh...Sorry. [Smiles.]
[Shot of KEVIN smiling, then returning to his studies.]
[Sound of a blender. KEVIN flinches and looks up.]
[Shot past KEVIN of NORMA holding the blender lid.]
[Shot of NORMA at the blender, and KEVIN in the background, closing his book.]
NARRATOR: OK, it was obvious if I was gonna get any studying done at all...
[KEVIN gets up from the table, and walks off with a plate of food and his books.]
NARRATOR: ...I'd have to do it somewhere else!
[NORMA looks out the window.]
Cut to
NARRATOR: I was ready. I was focused. And nothing was gonna sway me from the task at hand.
[Sound of introductory drum-roll of "Let's Make A Deal" on TV.]
[KEVIN looks up.]
[Shot of the TV screen with "Let's Make A Deal"]
NARRATOR: Except...
[Announcer: Let's Make a Deal! and now, here's America's top trader...TV's big dealer - MONTY HALL!]
Cut to
NARRATOR: Hey, I just needed a ten-minute break, OK?
[Shot of the TV screen.]
MONTY HALL: O-kay...Thank you!
[Wide shot from behind KEVIN. NORMA is setting the dining room table in the background.]
NORMA: Honey - you've been watching TV for three hours!
[Shot of KEVIN glancing from NORMA to the TV.]
KEVIN: Yeah. Well, uh, I'm gonna turn it off right now.
[KEVIN glances at NORMA, holds up the remote, then looks at the TV.]
MONTY HALL [V/O]: Our deal is worth ten-thousand-and-thirty four dollars.
[Shot of the TV.]
MONTY HALL: Is it door number one, door number two, or door number three?
[Close shot of NORMA at the table.]
NORMA: Your father should have been home an hour ago.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: Maybe he got held up.
NARRATOR: After all, we were talking about Dad, here.
[KEVIN frowns and looks toward the front door off-screen, as he hears JACK entering.]
NARRATOR: He probably signed the deal, stopped off to buy some Champagne...
[Shot of the door as JACK enters.]
NARRATOR: ...and was coming home the conquering hero.
KEVIN: Hi, Dad!
[JACK walks past KEVIN and sighs.]
NORMA [V/O]: Hi, honey!
[Close shot of NORMA smiling.]
NORMA: How'd it go?
[Shot of JACK taking off his jacket and frowning.]
JACK: Lousy.
[Shot from behind KEVIN of JACK and NORMA. JACK walks toward the kitchen.]
NARRATOR: Or maybe...just the conquered.
[JACK goes into the kitchen, NORMA follows.]
Cut to
NORMA: What happened?
[JACK glances at NORMA, sighs, shuts the cabinet, and walks toward the camera. NORMA follows to the sink.]
JACK: I'll tell you what happened. The whole damn thing fell apart.
[JACK pauses and turns.]
NORMA: How?
JACK: Well, for one thing, it's gonna cost three times more than I thought.
[Shot of JACK leaning against a counter, and frowning at NORMA off-screen.]
JACK: Fifteen thousand bucks! Can you imagine that?
[Shot of the doorway as KEVIN enters and pauses.]
JACK [V/O]: We can't afford that, Norma. With the mortgage...
[Close shot of NORMA looking moderately concerned.]
JACK [V/O]: Car payments, Kevin's college...
[NORMA looks down.]
[Shot of JACK looking off and sighing.]
JACK: What the hell was I thinking?
[Shot of KEVIN in the doorway.]
NARRATOR: And in that moment, I'd heard something in his voice...
[Close shot of JACK looking off.]
NARRATOR: ...I'd never heard before - regret.
[Close shot of NORMA shaking her head.]
NORMA: I don't think you should give up on this.
[Close shot of JACK looking down, then at NORMA off-screen.]
JACK: Well, what about the money?
NORMA [V/O]: Honey!
[Shot past JACK of NORMA.]
NORMA: When we got married...[gestures]...we didn't have two nickels to rub together - and we did alright!
[Shot past NORMA of JACK as he smiles and looks down.]
NORMA [V/O]: Well...we'll do it again.
[Shot past JACK of NORMA, as JACK stands up.]
NARRATOR: But if Mom was trying her best to give Dad a future...
[Shot past NORMA of JACK as he sighs.]
JACK: Forget it, Norma.
NARRATOR: ...the old man wasn't buying.
[JACK touches her cheek.]
JACK: I'm stayin' at NORCOM.
[Shot past JACK of NORMA as he walks out of the shot. NORMA looks after him off-screen.]
[Shot of KEVIN as JACK exits past him. KEVIN looks after him then at NORMA off-screen.]
[Close shot of NORMA looking off in thought.]
Cut to
NARRATOR: That night I didn't have much luck studying. My mind was whirling. All I could think about were decisions, and risks...
[KEVIN sighs, and closes his eyes.]
NARRATOR: ...and choices.
[Drum roll, and announcer - "Let's make a deal!"]
Fade to
MONTY HALL: Alright, Kevin Arnold - are you ready to choose your future?
[Shot of KEVIN standing next to MONTY, wearing a black cap and gown, and holding a 6-foot tall pencil.]
KEVIN: Yes, Monty.
MONTY HALL [V/O]: OK, what door do you want?
KEVIN: I'll take, uh, door number...
[Wide shot of MONTY and KEVIN standing in the aisle. Audience members wave signs, and cheer.]
MONTY HALL: Yeah...
KEVIN: Two. No - no, one...
[Shot of audience members cheering.]
[Shot of KEVIN and MONTY.]
KEVIN: Three! No! No, one!
MONTY HALL: Which?
[Shot of "Uncle Sam" and "Raggedy Ann" in the audience.]
KEVIN [V/O]: Door number two!
[Shot of KEVIN and MONTY.]
MONTY HALL: Good - are you sure?
KEVIN: Absolutely. [Smiles.]
MONTY HALL: Good!
KEVIN: Door number one.
[MONTY pauses, and they look at each other.]
[Shot of the door and model, as the door opens.]
MONTY HALL: Alright Don, tell him what he's won.
[JACK is on the phone at a cluttered desk.]
ANNOUNCER: Congratulations!
[Close shot of JACK taking a paper off a foot-high stack.]
ANNOUNCER: You've just chosen twenty years at NORCOM...
[Close shot of KEVIN looking disappointed.]
ANNOUNCER: Where you'll receive long hours...
[Shot of JACK hanging up the phone, resting his arms on the desk, and sighing.]
ANNOUNCER: Constant brow-beating, and a severe peptic ulcer!
[Shot of KEVIN and MONTY.]
MONTY HALL: Unless of course you'd like to trade it in -
[KEVIN points.]
KEVIN: Three!
MONTY HALL:...for - oh, you do want to trade it in?
KEVIN: Three.
MONTY HALL: For three?
KEVIN: Door number three.
MONTY HALL: Alright.
[Shot of the door and model, as the door opens.]
MONTY HALL [V/O]: Here's what we have behind door number three!
[The door opens revealing a donkey, some hay bales, and a saguaro cactus.]
[Sound of buzzer and "loser" music.]
ANNOUNCER: It's...a donkey!
[The audience sighs, and the donkey brays.]
[Shot of KEVIN looking disappointed.]
[Shot of a "gorilla" in the audience.]
[Close shot of MONTY.]
MONTY HALL: Now, Don, tell him what he could have won.
[Shot of the door and model, as the door opens, with "Hawaiian" music.]
[PAUL and WINNIE are on chaise longes, with a sailboat.]
ANNOUNCER: Yes, Kevin - it's the good life! A college education...
[Shot of KEVIN looking incredulous. The camera zooms in on him.]
ANNOUNCER: Vacations to Hawaii!
[Shot of WINNIE and PAUL, as WINNIE takes off her sunglasses, waves and smiles.]
ANNOUNCER: The girl of your dreams...
[PAUL raises his Champagne glass.]
ANNOUNCER: And expensive lawn furniture!
[Shot of the "gorilla" shaking his head, then rubbing it.]
[Shot of KEVIN and MONTY.]
MONTY HALL: And all because you didn't study for your SAT's.
[KEVIN frowns at MONTY off-screen.]
[Echo of "study for your SAT's...study for your SAT's..."]
[KEVIN looks toward the door, then MONTY off-screen.]
[Sound of school bell.]
Cut to
NARRATOR: The day before the test was torture.
CHUCK: Oh man. This is gonna be a disaster.
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]
NARRATOR: Panic had given way to...raw superstition.
[Wider shot of the four guys lined up at the sinks.]
JEFF: You know, I heard that there's a pattern - if you break the code, you can figure out the answers.
[JEFF takes a paper towel and dries his hands.]
RANDY: Yeah. I heard they have this card they put over the answers, so if you fill in all the circles you get a perfect score.
CHUCK: No, I heard...
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]
CHUCK [V/O]: That if you use the serial number from **** and divide it by your birthday.
[Shot of RANDY, JEFF and CHUCK looking uncertain.]
NARRATOR: It was crazy - the last minute ravings of desperate men.
RANDY: That's ridiculous - how're they gonna know your birthday?
CHUCK: Hey...[gestures]...they know everything! And then you take the question number and you add it, and you multiply the whole thing -
[PAUL walks to the edge of the shot.]
PAUL: I can't believe you guys are wasting your time on these stupid rumors!
[Shot of KEVIN frowning, and looking over his shoulder toward PAUL.]
PAUL [V/O]: I mean, don't you have something better to do?
[Close shot of PAUL as he shrugs.]
PAUL: You should be studying.
[KEVIN frowns at PAUL off-screen, and takes a step forward.]
KEVIN: Why?!
NARRATOR: Enough was enough.
[Close shot of PAUL turning to KEVIN off-screen.]
NARRATOR: It was time to put some sense to this whole fiasco.
[Close shot of KEVIN frowning.]
KEVIN: Who says we have to take this stupid test, anyway? [Gestures.] Why should we let this one test affect our entire life?
[Shot of RANDY, JEFF, and CHUCK.]
KEVIN [V/O]: Why should one test make us this crazy?
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: I say we're more important than that stupid test, and I for one, am not gonna let it control my life! [Frowns.]
NARRATOR: There. Finally, A statement of principle.
[Close shot of PAUL frowning.]
NARRATOR: A manifesto of defiance.
[Shot of RANDY, JEFF, and CHUCK.]
NARRATOR: A cry for unity no red-blooded kid could fail to admire.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
[Shot of RANDY, JEFF and CHUCK. RANDY and CHUCK make chicken-clucking sounds, and exit past the camera.]
[JEFF smiles, then approaches KEVIN.]
JEFF: Nice try, buddy.
[JEFF pats KEVIN's shoulder, smiles, and exits.]
NARRATOR: And I guess that's when it hit me.
[KEVIN looks in the mirror.]
NARRATOR: What I'd been denying all week. About choices, about risks, and that test. I wasn't angry. I was just plain scared.
Cut to
NARRATOR: By the end of the day, all I wanted to do was head home. Maybe catch a slow train to Loserville.
[KEVIN pauses.]
[Shot past students of JACK's car parked across the street. JACK honks.]
[Closer shot of JACK opening the door and looking toward KEVIN.]
NARRATOR: I don't know...maybe Dad had the same idea, too.
[JACK leans against his car, and waves.]
[Shot past JACK as KEVIN approaches.]
JACK: Hey, Kev. How ya doin'? Everything OK?
KEVIN: Dad, what are you doing here? [Gestures.]
[Shot past KEVIN of JACK.]
JACK: I thought...maybe you'd like to go for a ride.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
JACK [V/O]: What do ya say?
KEVIN: Well, I have my car over there, so...
[Close shot of JACK glancing toward KEVIN's car.]
JACK: We'll get it later. Come on - it won't take long. [Smiles.]
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
NARRATOR: And the way he said it...
KEVIN: OK.
Cut to
NARRATOR: ...guess I knew I really didn't have a choice.
JACK: Kevin, ah...there's some things I want to talk to you about.
NARRATOR: The funny thing was, I pretty much knew what was coming.
JACK: You know, sometimes it's not easy being the head of a family. Sometimes you have to make choices that affect everybody, and...you're not sure if you're doing the right thing...uh...
[Close shot of KEVIN glancing off, then toward JACK.]
[Close shot of JACK.]
KEVIN [V/O]: Hey listen, Dad!
[Shot past JACK of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: You don't have to explain anything to me.
[Shot past KEVIN of JACK.]
JACK: Glad to hear you say that. [Smiles.]
[Close shot of KEVIN smiling, then looking off.]
NARRATOR: Hell, I understood what he meant.
[Shot down a city street as the car approaches, and turns into a driveway.]
NARRATOR: After all, in this world, there were two kinds of men - the one's with guts - the one's who dared - the one's who took risks. And then...there were the Arnold's.
[The camera zooms in as they stop in a deserted parking lot.]
JACK: Here we are!
[Wide shot of a building, and the car in the middle of the parking lot.]
KEVIN [V/O]: What is this?
[Close shot from the passenger side of KEVIN and JACK looking toward the building.]
JACK: My new company.
[KEVIN turns toward JACK.]
[Shot past JACK of KEVIN.]
JACK [V/O]: Once the deal closes.
[KEVIN turns toward the building.]
[Close shot from the passenger side of KEVIN and JACK looking toward the building.]
JACK: So come on...
[JACK pats KEVIN's arm, and points.]
JACK: Let's take a look. [Smiles.]
[Shot from inside the dark building as JACK opens the door.]
NARRATOR: I guess life is full of surprises...
[KEVIN looks around as they enter.]
NARRATOR: No matter what age you are.
JACK: Here we go!
[JACK flips on the lights. The factory is in the background.]
[Close shot of KEVIN smiling, as JACK sighs.]
JACK [V/O]: Everybody's already knocked off for the day.
[Close shot of JACK.]
JACK: It's usually really, um, hoppin' in here. [Chuckles.]
[Shot from behind KEVIN and JACK.]
KEVIN: Yeah - I bet.
JACK: Come on.
[JACK pats KEVIN on the back and walks forward.]
JACK: I'll show you around.
[They walk down the aisle past a band-saw. The camera rolls with them.]
[JACK point toward a rocking chair.]
JACK: Look at that! [Laughs.]
KEVIN: It's great!
[They pause, and KEVIN rocks the chair. They smile at each other.]
NARRATOR: I guess life is full of surprises - no matter what age you are.
[Shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: I didn't know you knew anything about furniture, Dad.
[Shot of JACK walking down the aisle. The camera rolls with him.]
JACK: I don't...but I'm ready to learn. We got a great crew here.
[Shot of KEVIN pausing near a machine.]
KEVIN: What about NORCOM?
[Shot past KEVIN of JACK as he tilts his head.]
JACK: Figured your mom was right.
[JACK looks off.]
JACK: It's time to take a chance.
[JACK looks at KEVIN.]
JACK: NORCOM was killing me...[shrugs]...So I left.
[Close shot of KEVIN.]
KEVIN: What'd they say?
[Close shot of JACK.]
JACK: They said "goodbye".
[Close shot of KEVIN glancing off, then back.]
KEVIN: Dad, aren't you scared?
[Shot of JACK looking off.]
JACK: Nah.
[JACK looks at KEVIN and smiles.]
JACK: Yeah.
[Close shot of KEVIN. He smiles.]
JACK [V/O]: Come on.
[Wide shot past some furniture as JACK slaps KEVIN's shoulder.]
JACK: I want to show you where my office'll be.
[They walk off toward some furniture pieces at a machine. The camera pulls back a little.]
NARRATOR: That afternoon, Dad and I took the tour.
[JACK picks up a table leg.]
JACK: See these? We make the legs...
NARRATOR: We talked furniture. We talked life. We made plans.
Fade to
WOMAN [V/O]: ...sealed test booklet.
NARRATOR: And the next morning, at 8:00 AM, seventy-eight students gathered in the McKinley cafeteria to take what was supposed to be the most important test of their lives.
WOMAN [V/O]: Do not break the seal until I tell you to do so.
[CHUCK shakes a pencil, breaks the lead, and frowns.]
NARRATOR: Everyone had a different way of coping that day.
[Close shot of ten pencils lined up on a table. The camera pans up to PAUL as he takes one and sharpens it.]
WOMAN [V/O]: You'll have three hours to work on the test...
NARRATOR: Some were more effective than others.
[Close shot of JEFF rubbing his eyes.]
WOMAN [V/O]: There are five sections...
[Close shot of RANDY drumming the table with his fingers and pencil.]
WOMAN [V/O]: The time allotted for each section will be announced, before you begin.
[Close shot of WINNIE looking at KEVIN off-screen worriedly, then sighing.]
NARRATOR: But for all the risks and choices, I was one step ahead of them.
[Close shot of Kevin smiling at WINNIE off-screen, then looking forward.]
WOMAN [V/O]: When you have finished a section...
[Close shot of a woman in glasses.]
WOMAN: Do not - I repeat - do not turn ahead.
[Shot of KEVIN glancing around.]
WOMAN [V/O]: You may now...open your pamphlets...
[KEVIN opens his pamphlet.]
NARRATOR: After all, I knew that this was just one test in thousands I'd be taking in my life.
[The camera pulls up and back.]
NARRATOR: None of them final, none of them irrevocable. And the way I saw it, maybe life was a risk. But this time, I was ready.
Fade to
Mr. Glavin - Willie C. Carpenter
Jeff - Giovanni Ribisi
Chuck - Andrew Mark Berman
Randy - Michael Tricario
Charlie - John Pleshette