OPENING SEQUENCE
[Kevin is bicycling on the sidewalk.]
NARRATOR: Over the course of the average lifetime you meet a lot of people. Some of them stick with you through thick and thin. Some weave their way through your life and disappear forever. But once in a while someone comes along who earns a permanent place in your heart. Someone like say ..
MISS HASENFUSS: Hi Kevin!
NARRATOR: Miss Hasenfuss, my dental hygienist.
KEVIN: [nervous] Hi Miss Hasenfuss!
MISS HASENFUSS: I'm ready for you now.
[Kevin enters the room and takes the dentist chair.]
NARRATOR: Actually she was more than just my dental hygienist.
MISS HASENFUSS: So, have you been brushing?
KEVIN: You bet. Every day.
MISS HASENFUSS: We will take a look.
NARRATOR: Our relationship went beyond lower insizers and upper bicuspids and dental floss. She was someone I can really talk to.
KEVIN: [while Miss Hasenfuss works in his mouth] Urglww..
MISS HASENFUSS: Oh, busy. You ..
[Kevin shows some pain and sighs.]
MISS HASENFUSS: Open..
NARRATOR: She smelled like ivory soap and herbal shampoo and knew all the right thing to say to make a man feel like .. a man.
MISS HASENFUSS: Spit!
NARRATOR: Even though we met only twice a year we had something .. special.
MISS HASENFUSS: Spit!
[Pause. Now she takes X-rays. There is a yellow poster in the back with smiling lips: "How to WIN FRIENDS and INFLUENCE PEOPLE."]
MISS HASENFUSS: Last one. Say: "Cheeese!"
KEVIN: Wee.
[Pause.]
MISS HASENFUSS: Well, the doctor will take a look at these. I am sure that they'll be perfect. Like the usual.
NARRATOR: But it wasn't until the X-rays were over and the big lead biff came off that our relationship really became alive.
MISS HASENFUSS: How's school going?
KEVIN: Great! I graduate ninth grade this year.
[Kevin leaves the chair.]
MISS HASENFUSS: Really! Quite an accomplishment.
KEVIN: Well, you know..
NARRATOR: We shared things - man to woman, woman to man.
MISS HASENFUSS: You know, I've never really told anybody this before. But.. promise you won't laugh?
KEVIN: Oh, no .. I .. I mean yes. I promise.
MISS HASENFUSS: I thought I would like to go back to school some day.
KEVIN: Really?
MISS HASENFUSS: I think so. There is only so far in life cleaning teeth. You know what I mean?
KEVIN: Oh, yo, of course.
MISS HASENFUSS: But I never had the courage. [shy] Those tests just scare me.
NARRATOR: God, was she cute!
KEVIN: Oh, tests aren't that bad. I am taking a bunch of tests. I bet you'll do fine.
MISS HASENFUSS: Mmh. Do you think so?
KEVIN: Oh, absolutely. No question about it.
MISS HASENFUSS: Thanks for the boast of confidence. But I think I am just not a very courageous person. Not like you.
NARRATOR: And there you had it. Total mutual admiration. I admired her for her ..
MISS HASENFUSS: [showing a tooth brush to Kevin] I've saved you the blue one.
NARRATOR: .. tooth brushes.
KEVIN: Thanks!
NARRATOR: And she admired me for my courage.
DOUG: [playing with a whoopee cushion, to Paul] What's the matter? Are you chicken?
NARRATOR: Courage in ninth grade being a relative thing.
PAUL: No, I'm not chicken. I am just not crazy.
TOMMY: He's chicken.
DOUG and TOMMY: [imitating chicken]
KEVIN: Come on, guys, knock it off! Will you?
TOMMY: Look, all he has to do is slip this thing onto Mr. Gardini's chair in study hall. It will be a riot!
PAUL: May be he will think it is not so funny.
DOUG and TOMMY: [imitating chicken]
KEVIN: [angrily, not clear] Guys, give it up. If he does not want to do it, he does not want to do it.
PAUL: Yes.
DOUG: [to Kevin] Okay then. You do it!
KEVIN: Why don't you do it? It is your idea.
DOUG and TOMMY: [looking at each other and then imitating chicken]
NARRATOR: With fourteen true heroism has not less to do with actual logic and more to do with pure stupidity.
KEVIN: Okay, I'll do it. But you guys have to do it next time.
DOUG and TOMMY: Yeah. Yes!
PAUL: You guys are purely idiotic.
NARRATOR: May be so. But I wasn't the kind of guy that shrinks from a challenge. I was a man of action.
WAYNE: [walking down the stairs, holding a bag of potato chips] Hey butthead!
NARRATOR: A man with a brother!
WAYNE: Hasenfuss called.
NARRATOR: A man who got phone calls from his dental hygienist!
KEVIN: [enthusiastic] She did? What did she say?
WAYNE: What do I look like? Your secretary? She wants to see you this afternoon.
NARRATOR: Since I was not due for a check-up for another six months, this could mean only one thing ..
[Wayne sits down on the whoopee cushion and the others, sitting aside from him on the sofa, laugh. Wayne hits Paul on his stomach.]
NARRATOR: It had to be personal.
MISS HASENFUSS: Boy, you got here fast!
KEVIN: [breathless, but very happy] Oh, I was just in the neighborhood. Did you want .. me?
MISS HASENFUSS: Kevin, I have something to tell you and I am not quite sure how you can take it.
NARRATOR: May be not. But standing there, the possibilities seemed to be endless.
KEVIN: What is it?
MISS HASENFUSS: You have a cavity. You have to see Doctor Tucker.
DOCTOR TUCKER: Okay, let's have a look and see. [to Kevin] Open! [to Miss Hasenfuss, standing aside] Pick! Thank you! [to Kevin] Wider! Hasenfuss, look at this! Just as I thought. Cavity, lower second bicuspid. Big sucker.
NARRATOR: Now a word of explanation here. I never had a cavity before. Still under Miss Hasenfuss' watchful eye, how bad could it be?
[Kevin cries out loud and in an animation jumps to the ceiling.]
DOCTOR TUCKER: Oh, so sensitive?
KEVIN: Yeah.
DOCTOR TUCKER: Good.
MISS HASENFUSS: Kevin, are you alright?
NARRATOR: Of course I wasn't. But then I had an image to maintain here.
KEVIN: Fine, it was nice. It was just a Charley horse. In my leg.
MISS HASENFUSS: Well, you sure were brave! A lot braver than me. The cavity looked pretty serious. I probably would have jumped out of my skin.
KEVIN: No, it was nothing.
NARRATOR: After all, that smile was reward enough for a few moments of agony. Especially now that it was all over.
DOCTOR TUCKER: Make an appointment on your way out.
KEVIN: An appointment?
DOCTOR TUCKER: Oh, this sucker is not getting any smaller. You have to drill it and fill it. [Demonic laugh] Book him, Hasenfuss. Next!
NARRATOR: Was this guy joking? No way that I was coming back.
MISS HASENFUSS: How does Wednesday sound?
KEVIN: [still in the chair] Fine.
MRS ARNOLD: A cavity. Oh honey, that's too bad!
NARRATOR: She didn't know the half of it.
MRS ARNOLD: Well, I suppose that's why we have dentists, don't we? I'm sure Doctor Tucker would take good care of you.
KEVIN: Thanks, Mum.
NARRATOR: But it wasn't Doctor Tucker I was worried about. It was looking like a craven coward in front of Miss Hasenfuss.
[WAYNE comes in eating sweets. He opens the fridge and burps.]
NARRATOR: It was time to seek help. From the Grand Hoobah of Tooth Decay himself.
KEVIN: Wayne, you go to Doctor Tucker once, don't you?
WAYNE: None of your business.
[Wayne gets a bottle out of the fridge, opens it and closes the fridge.]
KEVIN: Ooh, what do you do? Well, you know, and .. when he fills a cavity? Does this hurt much?
WAYNE: Nah, he gives you Novacain.
NARRATOR: Of course, Novocain.
KEVIN: And that works?
WAYNE: Sure, you don't feel a thing. [Pause] Once you get passed that needle. Ooh.
KEVIN: [very much afraid] What needle?
WAYNE: The big one. The size of a telephone pole. Well, he JAMS the thing right INTO your GUMS. Then all you hear is sounds: Crunch, crack, sssss! Then you will see tooth fragments flying everywhere. And then there is this unbelievable smell. God, be sure that you don't gagger something. But other than that, a piece of cake.
[Kevin first looks afraid, then smiles.]
NARRATOR: That guy. What a kidder!
MISS HASENFUSS: Are we ready?
KEVIN: I think so.
[The camera shows giant tools and drills. The music is Jimi Hendrix: Purple Haze. Then Doctor appears out of the bluish dark - with a running chainsaw!]
DOCTOR TUCKER: [laughing] Open wide! This may sting a little.
KEVIN: Help! Help me!
DOCTOR TUCKER: [now holding a drill and a syringe] Oh, is that stench (?) of the devil?
KEVIN: Hasenfuss!
[Miss Hasenfuss stands in the door, dressed in a yellow fancy robe and smoking. A vamp.]
MISS HASENFUSS: And I thought you were a man of courage!
[Kevin wakes up gasping for breath.]
NARRATOR: Fortunately by the next day I pretty much managed to calm my fears.
MISS HASENFUSS: Hi Kevin! Are you ready?
KEVIN: Oh, I think so.
NARRATOR: Sure, nothing to worry about here. Just a simple little filling.
KEVIN: Miss Hasenfuss?
MISS HASENFUSS: [very friendly] Something wrong?
KEVIN: No. It's just ..
NARRATOR: Oh was I kidding! I had to tell her. Tell her that I was scared. May be she respect me for my honesty.
KEVIN: It's just .. There was this fire.
MISS HASENFUSS: [really concerned] Fire?
KEVIN: Yeah. At my house. Yeah. So I better go.
MISS HASENFUSS: [really concerned] I hope nobody was hurt?
KEVIN: No, no. Nobody was hurt. I just have to go now. Right now.
[He leaves, stumbling. We hear a fire siren.]
NARRATOR: There, grace under pressure!
KID (VOICE FROM TV): Supposed that was Squasnick(?)?
OTHER PRISONER (VOICE FROM TV): I don't know. I don't know what to think
NARRATOR: The night of that great dentist office bailout I faced the shivering truth.
PRISON WARD (VOICE FROM TV): Scared, Kid?
KID (VOICE FROM TV): I wonder if we can take it. All the way, I mean.
NARRATOR: I had fled in the face of battle. In front of Miss Hasenfuss! I was .. a coward.
KID (VOICE FROM TV): It's the fear of being afraid that frightens me more than anything else.
PRISON WARD (VOICE FROM TV): Let's remember what the old man told you.
[Kevin looks at his father.]
NARRATOR: I was unworthy of my proud lineage.
KEVIN: Dad?
MR ARNOLD: Mmh?
KEVIN: You were in combat, right?
MR ARNOLD: Sure, I was in combat.
KEVIN: Were you scared?
MR ARNOLD: Well, I don't know if I would call it scared. We had a job to do and we did it.
PRISON WARD (VOICE FROM TV): .. nothing to do with cowards. A fellow is only yellow when he lets his fear make him quit.
MR ARNOLD: No, when you're out there in the trenches and the smoke is stinging in your nose and the bullets zipping past your head like flies, you don't have time to be scared.
NARRATOR: And that was when it hit me. When my father was that brave, then may be I had it in me, too. Somewhere down deep.
MR ARNOLD: There was only one thing that scared the pants off me.
KEVIN: What's that?
MR ARNOLD: The dentist.
NARRATOR: I was left with one option: Hide among women who shop.
[Kevin shows some tooth pain and touches his face with the right hand.]
MRS ARNOLD: Honey, is there something wrong?
KEVIN: [quickly pulling his hand back] No. No.
MRS ARNOLD: Oh, it's your tooth, isn't it?
KEVIN: No. It is nothing. Really.
MRS ARNOLD: How long did you say it takes Doctor Tucker to recover from that ski accident?
NARRATOR: Oh the tangle webs we weave!
KEVIN: Mum, I gotta go to get some ..
NARRATOR: Butter.
KEVIN: .. butter.
[Kevin walks away from his mother.]
NARRATOR: Face it. I was a man on the run. Running from fear, humiliation. Running from ..
MISS HASENFUSS: Kevin! Hi!
NARRATOR: Hasenfuss.
KEVIN: Ahh.
[Mrs Arnold appears and sees Miss Hasenfuss.]
MRS ARNOLD: Jennifer? Hi!
MISS HASENFUSS: Misses Arnold! Hello!
NARRATOR: Oh my God, here they came. The woman that I'd lied to [looking at Miss Hasenfuss] and the woman I had lied to [at his mother]. The lock in the hard place.
[Kevin gets locked in by the two shopping carts. We hear the whistle of a locomotive.]
MRS ARNOLD: How do you do?
MISS HASENFUSS: Fine. You?
MRS ARNOLD: Good. Look at all those books!
[In Miss Hasenfuss' cart there are a lot of books, in front "Essentials of SAFE DENTISTRY FOR THE MEDICALLY COMPROMISED PATIENT" published by McCarthy, behind "Partial Removable Prostodontics" by Kratochvil.]
MISS HASENFUSS: I am kind of reading up on things. I am thinking of taking some classes. But I'm not sure. Even though Kevin tells me I should. Right, Kevin?
[Kevin feels insecure and smiles.]
MISS HASENFUSS: But I'm afraid that I am just not as brave as he is.
NARRATOR: Ouch.
MISS HASENFUSS: Anyway, I can't shop and chat. I have to be back at the office.
NARRATOR: Oh, oh.
MRS ARNOLD: Doctor Tucker's office?
NARRATOR: I was trapped. Like a rat in a ski accident.
MRS ARNOLD: But I thought ..
KEVIN: Mum?
NARRATOR: It was time for some sudden creative thinking.
KEVIN: [very nervous] You know, she has to get back to the office. And you know, there is going to be traffic on the way home. Have you seen the lines at the check-up counters?
MRS ARNOLD: Oh.. Well, I guess we really should go. I'm sure we will bump into each other again.
NARRATOR: Phew. I was outta there. Free and clear.
MISS HASENFUSS: Oh, and, Kevin, don't forget to reschedule your appointment!
[She walks away, then turns around to Mrs Arnold.]
MISS HASENFUSS: And I am so sorry about the fire.
MRS ARNOLD: [to Kevin] Fire?
[We hear the fire alarm again.]
NARRATOR: So much for the best laid plans of mice and men. Particularly mice with mothers. There was no putting this off. It was act now or face the chair.
[Kevin follows humming Dr Tucker to his sports car, a red convertible.]
KEVIN: [shy] Doctor Tucker? I am Kevin Arnold. Your patient.
DOCTOR TUCKER: [angrily] Is this an emergency?
KEVIN: Well, kind'o. See, I need to make an appointment.
DOCTOR TUCKER: [angrily loading his golf club on the backseat] Well, speak to Hasenfuss. She keeps the books.
KEVIN: Well, that's kind of the problem.
[Dr Tucker takes of his sun glasses. Astonished.]
KEVIN: You see, I was wondering if someone else could assist with the filling.
DOCTOR TUCKER: What's wrong with Hasenfuss?
KEVIN: Nothing. Nothing at all. She is great. It's just .. I just want to have someone else. That's all.
DOCTOR TUCKER: [more relaxed] She is off Tuesdays. Why don't you come by at 4 o'clock?
KEVIN: Thanks.
DOCTOR TUCKER: You are the customer. Hah.
NARRATOR: And it was done. I was spared.
[Miss Hasenfuss comes from the back. Kevin does not see her.]
KEVIN: Doctor Tucker? You won't tell her, will you? That I didn't want her there.
[Dr Tucker looks strange. Kevin turns around and sees Miss Hasenfuss.]
MISS HASENFUSS: Doctor, I've forgot to remind you. You have 9 o'clock tomorrow morning.
[Dr Tucker drives off. Kevin feels ashamed.]
MISS HASENFUSS: I have to go back to work.
NARRATOR: The next few days I guess you could say I was kind of off my game. May be, it was my tooth. May be, it was something else.
NARRATOR: All I knew was ..
MRS CRAW: Kevin Arnold?
KEVIN: Here.
NARRATOR: Oral hygiene was never gonna be the same again.
MRS CRAW: I am ready for you now.
[The two boys look at each other. Kevin follows Mrs Craw to the dentist's office.]
NARRATOR: The thing is, even though I knew Miss Hasenfuss wouldn't be around, I could almost see her there.
NARRATOR: In that room where we shared our hopes and dreams.
MISS HASENFUSS: Kevin? Hi!
KEVIN: You are here?
MISS HASENFUSS: Did you come for your filling?
KEVIN: Yeah.
MISS HASENFUSS: Good. She got that taken care of.
KEVIN: Listen, Miss Hasenfuss.
MISS HASENFUSS: I took your advice. I am leaving.
KEVIN: What?
NARRATOR: My God, she was taking that harder than I thought.
KEVIN: Why?
MISS HASENFUSS: I'm going back to school. Full-time. To become a dentist [a shy but proud smile]. I think may be for children. I mean. Not a good time as any. Right?
[She drops a box. Kevin helps her to pick it up and they look at each other for a long time.]
MISS HASENFUSS: I guess I'm kind of nervous.
KEVIN: I am sure you do just fine.
[They look at each other intensely.]
KEVIN: Hey, I will take all my kids to you.
MISS HASENFUSS: Promise?
NARRATOR: And at that moment I learnt a little something about fear - and courage. If this woman was brave enough to take life by the horns, may be, I could too.
KEVIN: Miss Hasenfuss? I .. I have this filling. Would you assist?
[Pause. Dr Tucker and Miss Hasenfuss work on Kevin's filling.]
NARRATOR: In the end that appointment wasn't a big deal after all. In fact it was a nice way to say farewell.
[Relaxed atmosphere. Kevin and Miss Hasenfuss often smile at each other.]
NARRATOR: I was not sure, may be, it was the Novocain coursing through my 98-pound body. But I swear Miss Hasenfuss had a tear in her eye. And when it was all over, there was nothing left to say but ..
MISS HASENFUSS: Don't forget to brush!
KEVIN: You too.
NARRATOR: I never saw Miss Hasenfuss again after that day. But I like to think that filling meant as much to her as it did to me. It's funny. Even now whenever I pass a professional building, I can't help but look for her name. And remember. Good night, Miss Hasenfuss! Wherever you are.
CLOSING TITLES
This transcript was compiled by Peter Reynders. Words followed by (?) could not be correctly identified. Please mail to reynders@merck.de if you find any errors, or if you have any comments or suggestions.